April 03, 2013

Husnudzon

Bismillah...

I should be jealous... instead, I weep inside, for him
of what he had to go through

how can a muslim does that? breaks their pact, be selfish...how can a person who has hidayah  turns their back and returns to jahiliyyah? The answer is simple but the heart, unfortunately, is not (as simple).

Am tempted to text her, 
"my dear piece of my heart, be ready to 'let go'.
putuskan harapanmu pada manusia dan bertautlah pada Allah."

I was disappointed.
"What are you thinking?," he asked me.
"I think this hurts you more than it does me, because he's someone close to you and you've been in the victim's position."
 It's a conflict of forgiveness...of the past and trying to be a threshold for someone's future.

how can a mukmin does that?

earlier, a friend confided in me...about how one turns more to dunya than akhirat
why is that? how is that?
how can a mukmin turns back to jahiliyyah?
she replied about a story she had read, that is quite common to us
about how syaitan, who used to be a very obedient servant of Allah swt, his position raised from the earth to the heaven, respected by malaikat (angels)...yet for one huge flaw, he became disobedient (Surah Al-Baqarah,2: 30 onwards) to Allah swt. If he did that...what about us? 

Are we immune against those flaw?
we don't.
it's possible for those things to happen to ourself (Naudzubillah min dzalik)

before Fathul Mekah (the conquest of Mekah), Rasulullah SAW held a secret meeting with his selected sahaba of his plans to ambush Mekah. A particular sahaba had cold feet, fearing for the lives of his families and friends back in Mekah, and so he sent a messenger. Thankfully, Allah swt enlightened His prophet of this sahaba's deed and riders were dispatched to intercept the messenger. The messenger was caught and indeed, the sahaba's deed in breaking Rasulullah saw's trust was revealed. Sayyidina Umar was red in anger and threathened to kill that sahaba. How could you? How 'COULD' you?? Yet Rasulullah s.a.w calmed Umar r.a down and said, "Don't you know he is ahl' Badr, and ahl' Badr sins are forgiven by Allah swt?" 

O Rasulullah saw, how could you be so calm?
how can a muslim does that?

because we are insan
we are not above committing sins or flaws

"... hate the sin, not the sinner."

if Allah swt could forgive such transvesty, how can we not?

"Hai orang-orang yang beriman, jauhilah kebanyakkan dari prasangka (kecurigaan), karena sebagian dari prasangka itu dosa. Dan janganlah mencari-cari keburukan orang dan janganlah menggunjingkan satu sama lain. Adakah seorang diantara kamu yang suka memakan daging saudaranya yang sudah mati? Maka tentulah kamu merasa jijik kepadanya. Dan bertakwalah kepada Allah. Sesungguhnya Allah Maha Penerima Taubat lagi Maha Penyayang" 
Al-Hujuraat 49:12

his/her deeds are his/her deeds, and our deeds are ours
let them with what they've done, but don't let us sinned too by thinking bad thoughts and voicing it out, possibly creating fitnah and spreading aib of others

I leave you to Allah swt

Your hak is to be advised, and my hak is to advise, in any ways that are best understood and followed. My own dear sahaba, May Allah swt lead you to the right path.

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Hikmah

Bismillah...

"... just be yourself."

'twas a trying week
trying and trying to accommodate self to different roles and responsibilities, trying to be 'there' for everybody. Afraid I'd fail in my carelessness or ignorance that would invite Allah's displeasure of me. So, when he texted me that message whilst I was rushing home just to be 'there', beside myself with worry...

O Zauj, how did you know? How did you know 'those' were the exact words I needed to hear? To calm self and just 'be'.

who am I?
a wife. a daughter. a daughter-in-law. a sister. a sister-in-law. a teacher.
there's a bit of drama in my in-laws house last week. How my eight-year-old sister-in-law is quite stuck to me. hero-worship? or just seeking for a role model? I don't know.

who is she to me?
an innocent pure young heart, who seeks Allah swt. Who would lit up at my presence with a telekong in hand, eventhough its's not dzuhur yet, just so she could pray in Jemaah. sometimes...most times, I felt she's better than me. ^^"

 Yet, I'm a teacher at heart. Am actually quite strict with her....at one point, I question my influence on her. whether its a good thing or not. because my in-laws are quite wonder-struck at these sudden bond....and quite frankly, so am I. Trained her with self-sufficiency, because I know my own kids (KG), so I treated her the same. Be self-sufficient and do something good for others. Do good deeds lillahi taala, not just because someone else are doing it.

...but there's where my patience are also tested. I can't quite stand when kids didn't finish their food on their plate. My own childhood was filled with tears about that subject, so am quite sensitive about it. *sob* I did what I could, advice, decreasing the amount of food on her plate, etc...just so she could finish it. That one day, she didn't. It's quite ridiculous when I think about it. Why do I insist on teaching her this one etique? Why was I sulking? *laugh*

Twas hard for me to accompany her when she wants to be with me. I was really disappointed. The concept of wasting, not being thankful, ignorant of the effort of others to prepare that food...how am I suppose to teach her these things? They see her a s a child and is permissible to do such thing. No, you are a human being, a muslim, who needs to know the rights and wrongs in this world.

I didn't want to be angry with her, but its hard...I don't trust myself to speak, lest my anger seeps out. Its ridiculous and I know it, but I felt a wrong here and its something I shouldn't leave it as it is. So how? I kept quiet and avoided her. When I saw her finished her food the next day, my temper was sated. That night, I allowed her to pray Isya with me, and after solat, I explained. Why I prayed dhuha on my own, and didn't called out for her eventhough she 'waited'? What's the point of asking for rezeki when you're not thankful for it? Why does she prayed dhuha anyway? Because of me or Allah swt? If she insisted on throwing food away, I refused to pray 'with' her.

How cute is that? I can threat her with prayer? O Allah, it's funny and a blessing in itself...MasyaAllah, this child is very pure.

she was silent, but in my heart, I knew she understood. That night, she managed herself well, even as far as to clean up after herself. My in-laws, my zauj and me were staring at her back in wonder as she cleaned the dishes on her 'own' will.

Bless, O Allah swt~ Bless~ :"D
May she istiqomah in seeking Your redha~
Aamiin~

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