reaL

 Bismillah.. 

"nothing, and everything"

- - -

The Rider

Bismillah..

Dear bike, 

i saw you infront of the store today. If I had $110 then, i'd probably buy you that instant. Its a halfway journey, the last time i rode you. You broke down before I could finish learning. Hearing my best friend talking about her adventures on you, i was green with envy. I want to be able to do that, to ride with my neighbors, getting chased by dogs. Riding through the asphalt walk, the dirt along the mountain side. To breathe in the fresh air, arms widespread..the whole world for my taking.

To feel the strain, the effort of working up against the hill, the sharp, cold pebbles..the joyride waiting just on the other side.

The memories..of 'having' you, through walks of life. As a child with feet barely reaching the ground, to ride to schools, to ride through work, through chores, through leisures..

 I saw a beaten-up bike rode by an elderly on a road, recently. The image forces a quiet contemplation..the loyalty, the determination, the sacrifice.

The loving patience.

Am 23 years old and yet still feels self to be such a child. Impatient, stubborn..still struggling to maintain balance..of handling own life, of understanding the tool, the ride, the destination..

am i sulking because i didn't 'know'?? 

for sure on how to 'live' with the lesson??

if i have a living grandfather, i'd probably be shaken and slap into consciousness..

"wake up child! Don't be lazy! You ain't a young 'un, anymore..your own existence not a joke of the universe. it has meaning! It has value! Up to you to wake up and smell the sweat, blood and tears of the world!"

it's 'your' turn now.

Wake up!

- - -

i don't know
i felt like there's something to say
if its a burden i 'can' feel, i'd probably be able to ride on
but it's like carrying a bag of air
what 'are' you saying??


at what stage a young one knows how the elders may 'not know' what they're saying, themselves
and which is just considered too rude to brought up?


whatever it is..
i have to find it out
or i'll keep on holding this bad disease
 getting sicker and sicker by each passing day


- - -

sealed

Bismillah..

Twas' small, at first

then it grows and grows, bigger than tiny me

i was..being a typical grown-up

ignorant, short-tempered

for a moment, i was tired

with the paperwork, preparation, disciplining

its "I this, I that..I..I..I.." 

it's..

the motherly advice

an educator's patience

 human insight

even a radio morning message

and then, one day

saw a little girl whispering to her friend's ear

a secret

my heart unstrung

they are small

live in moments that is priceless

 they are fast

to made up how the world is magnified to them

of how the rain falls

of how tall trees are, if you just lay down on soft bed of leaves

how the sun peeks out from a cloud

these secrets embodied in something so tiny

so alive!

we tend to see the full picture and be burdened by it

our own weakness

our own lack of courage

i learned something

these kids

they're so small

and yet they are bigger than me

in fighting the constant unknown

in opening their hearts to it

so i begin to listen

and its true

they even share a secret with me too

 - - -

keep holding on

 Bismillah..

Let me have this pain

.

.

.

.

For now, let me have this pain

this little heartbreak

.

.

.

.

Tomorrow i'll wipe these flood of tears and grow

 

and i might dream more

hope more

achieve more

 

"So, verily, with every difficulty, there is relief:
Verily, with every difficulty there is relief." 

Al-Insyirah, 5-6

Hikmah

Bismillah..

Hikmah..what does it mean?

Berlembut dlm berkata, dlm menasihati, dlm mengingati?

dlm bulan ni sahaja..bertubi2 jawapan yg dtg adalah the opposite.

cara Saiddina Umar mendidik isterinya

cara seorang ibu mendidik anaknya sembahyang

cara seorang guru kini belajar untuk mendidik anak muridnya

dgn tegas, disiplin

di dalamnya sarat dgn kasih sayang

ku impikan seorang yg mampu mendidik ku sebegitu teliti

utk tidak mengambil dunia sebagai perhiasan, pertimbangan

untuk kerap menyedarkan HATI ini, bahwa ia kepunyaan Allah swt

utk tidak dimanjakan dengan keinginan duniawi

tapi sarat dgn kerinduan yg mendalam pd Ilahi

walaupun tegas ajaranmu

walaupun penat ku berdiri

walaupun terlalu hairan ku menanti keputusanmu

harga akhirat

harga akhirat ku mahukan daripada harga dunia

bertegaslah pada dirimu sendri dan pada yg kau sayangi

Andai mahu harga akhirat lebih kuat timbangannya dihati diri ini dan dlm mereka

maka bertegaslah

kasih sayang lahir dari niat

dari akhlak yg tak kenal lelah

biar hari berganti hari, bulan berganti bulan, tahun berganti tahun

kau jgn lemah

dan jgn mengambil jln pertengahan
pertahankan apa nilai islam itu

Ya Allah

titipkanlah kekuatanMu

semai benih kesabaran dan takwa dihati ini

agar aku mampu dipimpin dan memimpin

 - - -