The Rider

Bismillah..

Dear bike, 

i saw you infront of the store today. If I had $110 then, i'd probably buy you that instant. Its a halfway journey, the last time i rode you. You broke down before I could finish learning. Hearing my best friend talking about her adventures on you, i was green with envy. I want to be able to do that, to ride with my neighbors, getting chased by dogs. Riding through the asphalt walk, the dirt along the mountain side. To breathe in the fresh air, arms widespread..the whole world for my taking.

To feel the strain, the effort of working up against the hill, the sharp, cold pebbles..the joyride waiting just on the other side.

The memories..of 'having' you, through walks of life. As a child with feet barely reaching the ground, to ride to schools, to ride through work, through chores, through leisures..

 I saw a beaten-up bike rode by an elderly on a road, recently. The image forces a quiet contemplation..the loyalty, the determination, the sacrifice.

The loving patience.

Am 23 years old and yet still feels self to be such a child. Impatient, stubborn..still struggling to maintain balance..of handling own life, of understanding the tool, the ride, the destination..

am i sulking because i didn't 'know'?? 

for sure on how to 'live' with the lesson??

if i have a living grandfather, i'd probably be shaken and slap into consciousness..

"wake up child! Don't be lazy! You ain't a young 'un, anymore..your own existence not a joke of the universe. it has meaning! It has value! Up to you to wake up and smell the sweat, blood and tears of the world!"

it's 'your' turn now.

Wake up!

- - -

i don't know
i felt like there's something to say
if its a burden i 'can' feel, i'd probably be able to ride on
but it's like carrying a bag of air
what 'are' you saying??


at what stage a young one knows how the elders may 'not know' what they're saying, themselves
and which is just considered too rude to brought up?


whatever it is..
i have to find it out
or i'll keep on holding this bad disease
 getting sicker and sicker by each passing day


- - -

only the heart can understand..

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim..

Salaam,

A white fog settled whilst i was driving earlier today. Riding through the highway, a thought beheld me. This highway i was on is more or less straight, seemingly plain and direct..few smart houses decorate it's sides, the world feels open and wide. Then, passing through the traffic junction (in which, the lights blinking yellow a.k.a it's broken. again.)..occurred to me how the people from the other road would pick the winding roads at their area to reach the other end of this highway. Here, at this same road, beyond this smart plain houses, are a far more complex junctions and yet leading to this same one, only longer and more picturesque.

The method could be different but the direction is the same.

If you're a driver, typically you'll search for the shortest way to reach your destination.

What about us in life?

Trying to go to Jannah, the way is, unfortunately, not that easy. It seems easy to speak, and sometimes, easy to feel..but the farther you walk..you would realize it's actually..hard. :'(

And it's even harder to forgive ourselves for the sins we commit, that somehow, we can't help make over and over again. The path of Taubat is like that. Easy to say "Taubat Nasuha"- one you promised you wouldn't do again, and yet..slipping is far too easy. :'( The path to Taubat sometimes means you have to work hard, 'really' hard.

First, is to accept, rather than deny the sin.

Two, to not be redha with it. This type of transgression.

Three, you work hard to do more good than bad, until the bad would be overwhelmed until it reduce to non-existence. Maybe. InsyaAllah~

i'm trying to understand..

i'm jealous.

i'm jealous of those with a pure heart..who could see things clearly, in ways that pleases Allah.

it's hard to face Him when you know that there's stll a lot of black spots in your heart.

as Rasulullah s.a.w once reprimand Abu Zar for calling Billal a 'black woman's son'..

"Masih ada jahiliyyah dalam dirimu"

one that made Abu Zar clenched with fear and asked Bilal to step on his head.

I did something today that i'm not proud of. I let my temper and irritation win. They don't deserve that. They've been kind. I wasn't.

Thank You for the sponge cake, M. i'm sorry. i'm really sorry.

i thought i've grown up. Apparently, being almost-23 still means you got a lot to learn, about yourself and the people around you.

Ya Allah, i may have been on that winding roads now, please please please help me get back to the main road. Ya Hadi, help guide me~

- - -

: Lautan ilmu :

Di pesisir pantai, kayuhan basikal kedengaran


ternampak kelibat anak kecil bersusah payah menunggang basikal yg jauh lebih besar darinya
setiap kali ia cuba mengayuh, tersungkur
berulang-ulang setiap hari, setiap pagi

Tiba satu hari, ia berjaya menaikinya dan dengan perasaan girang, ia mengayuh laju. semakin kuat kayuhan, semakin jauh ia berjalan. Kaki berdiri menginjak kayuhan, mata tertutup dan tangan mendepang angin mengistiharkan kemenangan.

Tiba-tiba basikal terlajak batu dan tersungkurlah si anak kecil.
kedua belah kaki terluka besar sehingga ia terpaksa menimpang dalam perjalanan balik ke rumah.
org tua kampung ternampak si anak kecil
"Ha! Tulah naik basikal lagi. Habis terluka. Dah tahu basikal tu lebih besar dari kau..berhentilah, tunggu bila kau besar sikit,baru kau 'pandai'!"

Terdiam si anak kecil
kepala tertunduk sepanjang perjalanan
sampai di perkarangan rumah, hati disentap dengan perasaan takut
takut dileteri, dimarahi
belum sempat menyembunyikan luka, datang lah si bapa
dengan satu pandangan, melihat luka lutut dan basikal anaknya, si bapa faham akan apa yg terjadi
tidak mengatakan apa-apa, si bapa membawa masuk hasil tangkapan ikan ke dalam rumah
"nak, masuk lah"

keesokkan pagi, si anak kecil berdiri di pantai yg sama
basikal setia berada disampingnya
namun, luka di lutut masih terasa
terngiang2 kata-kata org tua kampung
terbayang air muka bapanya dan kata-kata yg tak terucap

si anak kecil duduk diam buat sekian lama

kemudian...
ia berdiri dan mencuba lagi

Adakah kerana satu musibah, kamu berhenti?
Adakah kerana kamu gagal, kamu akan berhenti belajar?

teringat sebuah kata..

"Would you stop learning just because you would think it'd make you realize how stupid you are? That is Blind Ignorance.
The more you learn, the more you realize there is more to learn. if you accept it and move forward, that is Wisdom.
If you stopped because you think that your present knowledge is enough..now 'that's' Stupidity."

Old doesn't mean Wise, Young doesn't mean Naive.

Lautan ilmu...carilah hingga keakhir hayat.
kerana ilmu itu Cahaya
Yang menyuluh lautan dalam.
.
.

- - -

Pemuda Sahara

Timbunan pasir itu adalah longgokan manusia. Manusia seperti pasir berterbangan, tanpa hala tuju, hanya mengikuti arus dunia. Terdengar deruan langkah dan mata mereka serta merta melihat kearahnya..

Pemuda itu berpakaian putih,dan berselipar kulit,berjalan dgn langkah yg pasti dan teguh. Bila sahaja nmpk air,d'cedoknya dan d'ambil wudhu',lalu sembahyang. Walau di bawah matahari yg terik dan pasir yg sentiasa bergerak (shifting sand), pemuda itu tidak berganjak. Khusyuk dalam ibadah, merasa keberadaannya di hadapan Penciptanya.

Sebuah imej yg menganggumkan.

Dibumi yg gersang itu, ada sekujur tubuh yg umpama air yg mengalir,sebuah oasis sumber kehidupan.

...

Hakikatnya,ia terjadi di negeri barat d'mna majoritinya bukan islam. Bersama rombongan pelancong dri negeri melayu. Bajunya ala-ala rockers,dgn jeansnya,leather jacketnya,rambut stylishnya.. tapi bila smpai saja waktu zuhur,ia yg pertama mengambil air sembahyang dan berdiri d'taman yg lapang itu utk menunaikan kewajipannya. Pelancong lain terkejut,namun terus mengikuti jejaknya..mengambil wudhu,lalu bersembahyang jemaah. Tak kira tua atau muda,lelaki atau perempuan, miskin atau kaya..

Terhenti pengunjung taman - orang2 yg bukan islam - itu. menyaksikan buat pertama kalinya, segolongan manusia di gelar islam, sembahyang bersama-sama...pemuda rockers tadi sebagai IMAMnya.

Apa yg hendak di gambarkan adalah..wujudnya pemuda mengkagumkan seperti ini,hanya kerana 1 perkara.
Dia jaga solatnya...tidak kira bila dan di mana saja ia berada.

Hanya kerana ia ... ingat pada Allah swt.
Ia beriman 'dan' beramal. =)

a.p.p.L.e - s.T.o.r.y

salam =)
A friend said something..that made me wonder..dear,this is my answer.

: if only.. :

imagine having a round apple.



it's so perfect you want to bite it. You did and suddenly,you regretted it. the apple's not so perfect anymore. But then, you figure out something. That there's still a good part in that apple. You took a knife and cut your own bite mark and tried as much as you can to leave the good part in one piece. Then, you cut the good part into fine pieces and share them with other people.



what's the moral of the story?

We faced many things in life - the good things,the bad things. There may be some words..some acts you wish you could take them back. "if only i hadn't been so stupid" "if only i never hurt them."

Take an apple,my dear.
That's your life -- when it was still untouched, beautiful and safe.

You took a bite,
.. meaning you take a chance in life

That regret
are for some of the choices you make that may be bad and make you feel horrible. Something you've done and couldn't take it back. How can you return the apple round again?

Take a knife and cut the bite mark.
This is a lesson. You understand the consequence of your words and actions. While you hurt others, it hurts you worst.

And then,you cut the good part into fine pieces and shared them with others.
That's you. Believe it or not, you have 'many' good qualities. The person who learned his/her lesson and tried very hard to never repeat the same mistake, the one who tried to give their best to other people. To be good in your own way.

On the other hand,imagine the untouched apple,left for days.. you wanted so much to preserve it's perfection. Can you? When gradually,it began to rot on it's own.

You have lived a life. If you do nothing with it,you have rot your ownself. But if you have taken a chance in life -- make the right and wrong choices. it's still a better one. The wrong ones made you learned. It's a hard lesson,and yet still a lesson that taught you to be more careful of your own words and actions. And the effect of that, you tried harder to be a good person and share that with other. So that they can have a piece of that apple. Pieces of you that is good and beautiful. One bad thing led to many good things. If you hadn't took a bite,the apple would only be for your ownself and it would be ruined anyway. But for that bite you have taken, you realized how delicious and happy that apple makes you feel. It makes you want to share how good that apple is with others.

Rather than pondering on the "if only's" that gets you 'nowhere'. Take a chance in life, to find out what kind of the person you are. In your own way,you can give your own pieces of apple. =)

Bismillah..

Bismillahirrahmannirrahim
Salam =)

Yes,for some reason,i'm starting a blog. ;D
Am compelled to write something..to share them if i could.

A piece of memory.
Not a first love reminiscense or all that ;D
this might sound silly,but it meant a lot to me..
it's of my encounter with a nene (grandma)

Earlier this year,my beloved sis and I went to Melaka. A first time for some,but a second for me (but my first was a very looooooong time ago - when i was still damit). The visit came near to an ending,and what better way to hear a local voice - a relative from there. We sat under a huge tree, with its slender arms branching out, sheltering us into an image of somewhat peaceful comfort and tranquility.

she sat there,all beaming and i was drawn to her like a child would towards a mother. She was around our own age and yet she radiates this soft and gentle aura. when she smiles,the eyes would also glint mischievously. ;D But i was also drawn to her words..

"Sesungguhnya hikmah adalah sebuah barang yg hilang. Sesiapa yg menjumpainya..adalah yg 'berhak' menerimanya."

- hadith

i could only caught her early words when suddenly we received an unexpected visitor. She was an old woman - chinese,i think. Walking with her cane and a basket of apple mangos in her arms. She stepped in closer near me to listen and our eyes met. She sat and asked what we were doing. i explained .. that we were in a lesson. she enquire why we were not taking down notes. Somehow a lesson sticks closer when learned by the heart than just written on papers and forgotten..i explained to her. She nodded and while i really wanted to hear what the sister said, the grandmother and i end up chatting like old friends. =)

i was surprised to find in her a strong person - who cycled 60 km away..everyday..alone,to earn a living. And she was what..60? 70 years old?? i asked about her family and she would account her day-to-day life, asking about our trip in return and all.. i haven't much experience talking to nene (grandma's) and it actually felt quite nice.. =D

Then when she was about to leave, she hold out the mangos..i can't help laughing a little,amused. Haiya..she's a saleswoman, after all. But then she said this suddenly..
"Tuhan (God) made you and i meet together today,at this moment. Tomorrow you might not see me. Tomorrow i might not see you. Tuhan made us meet each other."
my heart beat stopped for a second. She said Tuhan (God). What are the chances that a chinese old woman would say that to you? Me with my inexperience and lack of knowledge regarding non-muslims lifestyle..

And most of all, she mentioned fate,destiny..
You, me.. everyone.
Even as passerbys in schools,in hallways,on the streets..meeting you,it's fate.
Movies and dramas underrepresented fate to love interests and death. But what about living meet the living,living meet the dead? Even though it was that one moment,it is also fate. Fate that i was given a lesson from this. Fate that she describes the very thing that solves my hard life-journey to define people relationships.

You and me.
Fate.
Be you a friend.
Be you a sister.
Be you my teacher.
Be you a random person who came across my entry.

Fate. =)