Broken Clock

Bismillah..

Heart-breaking, ain't it?
That's what happen when you don't get your life sorted out.

can you live with this?
am throwing the words back at you, Han
is this Your best??

it sure isn't.

i hear horse's hooves
Al-Adiyat (Kuda Perang)?

- - -

silent warrior

Bismillah..

.:: 19 April 2010 - Monday [ 7.30 AM ] ::.

Terror ripped through the sky
terrified sobs, crowds dispersing like moths from a flame
unnatural, this scene before me

and yet, felt like a spectator, easing through these crowd, holding hands with one of the student

one.
her..the tears streaming down (seemingly endless), a silent deadly fear in the heart
i recited the three 'kul' calmly until we reach the bench of the parking lot
i brought out my tafseer, told her to read the three 'kul' herself, also reading the tafseer
explained to her, what are they up against

the screaming children, the fainting, the shivered sobs continued what began to felt like days..
her..cease to shiver, she stood silent beside me, calm..
suddenly the small girl infront of us, collapse in helpless fear
a figure swept to this small body, clutching it from its frantic cries and hands
her own arms protective and unyielding
it took me a moment to realise that it was my student
the very one i was calming down just before this

the girl still frantic, her..still holding
calm, and sure, and strong
i was struck with awe
"bila ia gagah ani?"

she was the one who carried the small girl, her arms still protective
like a kind big sister calming down her little ones from a bad dream

- - -

Two.

.:: 17 April 2010 - Saturday [ 9.00 AM ] ::.

I was struck by a sudden news
of loss, of grief
she was absent that day
her friend told me at the end of the period, tilting her head, her eyes enquiring
"teacher nangis kah?"
i looked up to her, silent
no, i wasn't
i was numb and dumb
the mind is saying something
what is it?
i walked across to the staffroom
the realisation dawned to me, and the heart was weeping
...and the tears came in the staffroom

this child
is the kindest i've ever seen
always..she hold out her hand to salaam me
of her..waiting outside her class just to tell me that it's her birthday
her birthday the same with her father
that nobody is celebrating it 'especially' for her, because there's always a joint-birthday
she said that at three different times
her real one was actually right before the holidays
the same day she said that i was her favourite teacher

she lost her father on Thursday
drown
from saving another's life
that life saved, his gone
on Monday was Parents-Teacher meeting
Oh god, the irony~
*heart..breaking*
a voice whispered..
too young
that heart is too young to face such a deep loss
she's very close
very close to her father..

.:: 19 April 2010 - Monday [ 10.30 AM ] ::.

i feared she'd come
with her fragile state, that 'thing' could easily get to her
but on that day, when the day was nearing its end
out from the HOY staff, a girl holding her sobbing friend
she looked up and saw me
stood transfixed
she came
and yet she's the one the pillar of support 'for' her friend
and her eyes,still fresh with sadness spoke through that silence
"time of grieving has left.
today, i have to protect them (my friends)"

nothing magnamous about Posessions
but these little warriors are

so young..
..and their faith already tested
.. and surprise you with their inner strength

They 'are' afraid
and yet the fierce burning spirit to protect others shone ever so brightly on that day
these little warriors..

i'll never forget this
they, who taught me
that despite their size
love can lend them a Giant's heart, a Giant's courage

Bismillah..

"dan janganlah kamu memberi (dengan maksud) memperoleh (balasan) yang lebih banyak."
Al-muddatsir,74 : 6

Walking down the passage way, towards the prayer room, i stood transfixed.
Before my eyes were glorious hues of red, orange, blue..with depth, with intensity..shone against tiled buildings, enhanced the colour of plants..the colour of flowers, white, red..

The plants had grown, since the last time i saw them.
A buried voice resurface.
it speaks.

Time had changed.
These hallway, these vending machine..meant little to me now. How did it turned that way?
While i was always there, i was always missing it, reminiscing it but while i was away..
I can still admire the lines, the window-panes..the sketch of life right from canvas..and yet it was..still.
Like an empty vessel.

Then i saw those plants..and something changed.
Great change doesn't occur with loud voices and argument, rather with silence..of listening. of doing good things unspoken..let only Allah knows.

... (to be continued)

one day..maybe i'll tell you why.

why people turn their face away..
why some rise to greet the day..