a blade of grass

Bismillah..

tiny feet thread the green

stop

touch a colour. pause.

tiny hand hovering

a bigger one hold it firmly

encouraging. comforting

she follow-suit

picks a purple petal and plucks it

another one and another one

until a mere stub left

her eyes searching for another

takes off her shoes so she can walk

rewarded with a scream of fright

the ticklish green is strange

the world through her eyes is a vast wonder

yet the mere touch of a blade of grass is a fascinating thing

evokes so much emotion

and grows with understanding

my lil' one..

how ummi forgets alot of things

looking so far would get one lost

look at where you are

start from there

why fear a lot of things?

other's people hearts? 

other people's feelings?

getting lost in their problems

wondering how they end up there

wondering why I'm here

wondering why I choose this path

because He says it

"kun fayakun"

He say, "it'll be"...and it'll be

me...this heart?

look no further and start where you are

seek a height lower than yourself

return to humble beginnings are what the sahabah constantly does

because when you're up there, you see very little

when you're down here, you see everything

be humble

tell me..
why am I so preoccupied of people leaving?
why did I fear so much that they get lost?
letting go of the beacon of light that had shone them their path?
should I be angry and shook them back to reality?
should I slammed the ground and "insist"?

they "chose" this
should I let go?
should I claim it is what He had ordained?

no
you know the answer, Han
advise, even if it cost them shutting their ears
covering their eyes
my loves...I am amongst those who had neglected you when you are alone
while you may "chose" your path
He says otherwise
lest this growing guilt build up
a sign that ukhuwwah is not built from mere words
because it is your Haq
and it is something we must say
I...must say

it's either you do or you do not
there is no "try"
be humble
and begin to understand



this tiny blade of grass

- - -

Calm

Bismillah..

The moonlight

reflects upon the tide

calm is the picture

I wondered

when was the last time I felt this calm?

I was honestly surprised

it was recent

in the busy office

with loads of paperwork and planning to do

huh~

was it because I knew I tried my best each day?

was it because I survived the storm when it comes?

did I just grew up?

In the past, I would seek out the coastline often to vent out

rarely had the time to do so as of late

and yet...instead of how the surrounding defines me, I define my own surrounding

coming into grip with reality

and learn to exist 'with' it

there's a lot of expectations on me

when the letter came to legalized my status

I was quite nonchalant

maybe...because the status doesn't define me

I don't need a stamp to tell me I need to lead or validate that I can order people around

no

recent matters pained me

but it's a blessing despite it's cursed state
it made me reflect of my own intention
of my own words when I'm alone and amongst them
it made me think of Rasulullah SAW
of Sayyidina Omar
I put the first 1 minute of Omar series on repeat
Keep affirm on His path
"so the ignorant can learn, the careless be reminded and the seeker could followsuit"

their words or Allah swt's?

So I kept my silence evwn though I was quite shaken, dissapointed, sad...
I do not put myself in this position but when a muslim is given a reaponsibility, you do not turn yoir back on it
it's my responsibility now

Alhamdulillah~
Thank you Allah swt~
You have shown them what's in my heart without me saying it
The Truth is revealed
Thank You~

I look in the mirror and I'm aware of what is reflected
but Allah swt creates the heart so that its bigger than the physical can own up
calm is in knowing you have Allah swt by your side

- - -

Bermimpilah

Bismillah..

We just had our Ambition Day...or it's Ambition week to be precise.

I stood there infront of the morning assembly and remembered this.... 

Pernah sekali, ketika Saidina Umar dan sahabat-sahabat sedang duduk di dalam sebuah bilik, Saidina Umar bertanya, "Bermimpilah!".

Salah seorang sahabat berkata, "Aku impikan bilik ini dipenuhi dengan harta yang banyak, jadi aku boleh sedekahkannya ke jalan Allah."

Kemudian Saidina Umar berkata lagi, "Bermimpilah!"

Kemudian, seorang lagi sahabat berkata, "Aku impikan bilik ini dipenuhi dengan emas dan permata, jadi aku boleh sedekahkannya ke jalan Allah."

Saidina Umar berkata lagi, "Bermimpilah!"

Sahabat berkata, "Whaia Amirul Mukminin, kami tak tahu apa yang ingin diimpikan lagi. Engkau mahukan bilik ini dipenuhi dengan apa?"

Saidina Umar menjawab, "Aku impikan rumah ini dipenuhi dengan ‘rijal-rijal’ seperti Muaz b. Jabal, Abu Ubaidah Al-Jarrah, Salim hamba Huzaifah untuk aku gunakan mereka untuk menegakkan kalimah Allah, supaya aku boleh hantar mereka ke jalan Allah”

...so I asked them to dream.

Dream, young one.

while you may hope for all the riches in the world, or the most delicious deserts to enjoy

they disappeared as soon

but to uphold your ambition in being useful to other people, to give benefit, protect and care for others...

if a room is filled with that type of people

wouldn't the world be a better place?

my dream?

I had a different dream when I was younger; architect, writer

I couldn't imagine being in the position I tried to avoid during childhood

to be a teacher

endless marking of paper

while my father did create an environment that made me enjoy learning...I didn't see myself in that profession

during TP, I sat down, completely depressed at the thought of being stuck as a teacher for thirty to forty years

though, this afternoon, when I saw a physically impaired young man stood there

accounting his life born of no arms, nurtured by people who never stop believing him, and now, he stood there as one of them (a teacher)

heart stuck in my throat

I wanted to say to him....

"young man, if I've been your teacher, I'd have said this. I'm proud. I'm very proud of you."

...and I remembered why I'm here. as if it has only been yesterday...the young boy who said that proud 'ada!'

My life altered just as I hoped his would too.

I want to be able to see you grow up and say those words. "I'm proud of you."

dream, young one. Dream high.

- - -

Fitrah

Bismillah...

Little drops gathered

form small streams run

along its woodland path

past fallen branches

roots protruding from the ground

run and gather they did

trickling fast until they stilled

to the main river they're meant to find

till they meet others still

in their path to their ending one

'Tis life far from over

one story gathers to another one

woven and woven together

what used to be different now becomes one

Once upon a time, I feared looking into the future

first motherhood is that

full of hope and fear

tethering to the edge, pleading for any kind of hold

and really..all that matters is He who Creates us

A very white one she is

everytime someone says that, makes me want to hold her cheeks to mine

yes, indeed

once, she was very

eyes never leaving her till her cheeks become flushed and her first cries be heard

waiting for the flailing kicking that she had done inside

that waiting, just holding on to Allah swt, hoping..praying..

...and for the first week,

just looking..makes the hold tighter, 

whispering soft prayers to her ears

for nine months, for a breath of life

now, for a life dedicated to One who makes her alive

my child, there is only One who could love you more than I do

while I can say I will stay with you forever

love and cherish you

wanting to give the world to you

it's not possible

for the only One who could know your heart

truly protect and cherish them

till goodness comes out from your words

from your actions as you grow up

there can only be One

the best I can do , give as a mother

more than love and affection

is to give you 'ilm

knowledge of this Deen

so you can recognize your Creator

for the saddest thing, really

is to not know

Hadis riwayat Abu Hurairah Radhiyallahu’anhu, ia berkata: Rasulullah Shallallahu alaihi wassalam bersabda: 

“Setiap anak itu dilahirkan dalam keadaan fitrah. Kedua orang tuanyalah yang membuatnya menjadi seorang Yahudi, seorang Nasrani maupun seorang musyrik.” 

Lalu seorang laki-laki bertanya: 

“Ya Rasulullah! Bagaimana pendapat engkau kalau anak itu mati sebelum itu?” 

Beliau menjawab: “Allah lebih tahu tentang apa yang pernah mereka kerjakan.”

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