May 25, 2011

The 'I'

Bismillah..

the sound of dribbling cuts through the night
the sound of swoop as it touches the net
before it fells thud on the linoleum floor

while on a wooden floor
tentative steps moves slick and sure
the air disturbed in a subtle yet precise manner
movement most graceful
both calculated and intuitive

harnessing energy to something of worth
direction over aimless wandering
discipline over recklessness

there's a point in life when breaking a glass vase seems like a great idea
to watch something so fragile to break into million pieces
to see the hurt reflected in each of those pieces
unnamed
yet, an exhale of blessed relief

as if..one's been holding their breath for far too long

one argues with what s/he knows
it's a universal fact
reality has it..the world's a bigger places
a bigger spectrum of eternal wisdom
often..one forget about that
when you're holding on to something with dear life
when challenged, lashing out
because of own dire need to be heard
to blurt out the condemn
because if one had to hold on any longer
...
i'll be sick

truth has it
grown-ups doesn't necessarily know more
themselves capable of making mistake
of inflicting injury rather than cure

you don't choose your gender, skin colour, heritage, bloodline, social standing
but you 'can' choose your own circumstance

"Verily Allah does not change men's condition unless they change their inner self"
[ Ar-Rad, 13: 11 ]

betapa Allah sangat concern dgn tani
sampai DIA tanya, kita liat dalam diri kita kh nda
bukan apa yg org ckp, sekeliling tani, dimana atau dalam keadaan apa tani dilahirkan
tapi the NOW, siapa diri mu?
who do you want to be..

 I want to be ME

i choose who i 'am'
and i choose who i'll become

- - -

May 02, 2011

tiny hands that says "hi!"

Bismillah..

i know.
I talked about my kids A LOT...but as i went through my past entries..i felt it. 
That feeling: genuine, sentimental and kind, as the day as i've experienced it. I 'want' to preserve it. Their innocence..of small people with BIG heart.

This little one would walked up to me suddenly and hug me, her face looks up from the folds of my baju kurung,.. her eyes partially-seen beneath her tudung, pausing to herself and then said,  
"Tiche, aku nada pensel." - Sarah :: 23.04.2011

"Teacher mau hadiah? Aku balikan untuk teacher aa." - Aqilah :: 02.05.2011

Tears welled up.
i know..my time is short with them.
but Ya Allah, it's so worth it. :')

They fight alot.
Yet..this LOVE grows. 
like a balloon that just rises and rises..

If this is Allah's 1%,
wow..i can't imagine what 99% looks / feels like. :")

- - -

I sure don't miss U :S

Bismillah..
2 words
.
.
Exam Fever.

deeply, i felt that a big plus in my coming-of-age phase is missing OUT of it
Yet, am not entirely uninvolved

a kid said this behind a teacher's back but she heard it, nevertheless
"apa jua..sanang jua jadi cigu ni."
i paled.

have you ever sit in a room with 3 teachers, handling exams for pairs of students because they can't read for themselves? and it's in less than 3 1/2 hours..and just barely finishing.and i'm saying for more than 50 students??

weep 
.
.
buckets
seriously

"sabarlah dalam bersabar"
and it's only day 1

inhale
exhale
inhale
exhale

..and repeat.

- - -