Float

Bismillah..

I floated, from end to end.

Letting go, to be able to trust yourself that much

fighting the waters

always thinking you have to grasp something yourself to make it real

'You' have to think

'You' have to do

sometimes..you just have to let go

and then, we'll know :D

- - -

Thy heart

Bismillah..

“Tidak ada suatu musibah yang menimpa (seseorang), kecuali dengan izin Allah, dan barangsiapa beriman kepada Allah, niscaya Allah akan memberi petunjuk kepada hatinya. Dan Allah Maha Mengetahui segala suatu.

Dan taatlah kepada Allah, dan taatlah kepada Rasul. Jika kamu berpaling maka seseungguhnya kewajban rasul Kami hanyalah menyampaikan (amanah Allah) dengan terang.”

At-Tagabun,64: 11-12

apakah tujuan asal penulisan warkah ini?

2 baris kata dari kalamullah tu sebenarnya ditujukan pada beberapa org yg ku sayang.

Kerana hati menunggu.

Sahabat..minta maaf aku tidak tahu bagaimana memujuk, menasihati..tapi aku rayu..lihatlah dlm hatimu..adakah ada Dia di sana?

Cukuplah Allah bagimu.

Cukuplah Allah bagimu.

Cukuplah Allah bagimu.

  Kenapa meminta sesuatu yg bukan milikmu, apabila Allah mungkin menyediakan yg lebih baik?

Kenapa kamu sudah putuskan apa nasib mu, sedangkan mendung hujan hari esok pun tidak dapat diramalkan?

Jujur..ku boleh bayangkan.

Dapatkah kamu berdamai dengan hati?

Berdamai dengan checkpoint 1 sebelum mencapai garis penamat?

Maafkan daku andai kerana diriku tergurisnya hatimu.

Aku hanya minta kamu menimbang keputusan hidupmu.

Baca dua baris kata tu dalam2. kamu jawab dengan-Nya.

kamu jawab dengan-Nya.

Apasaja yg kamu jawab..kami disini.

Kami disini..

Dan kami menunggu

For you to come home :’)

- - -

Hope

Bismillah..

I read this from a book while I was sick. And the words stuck to me in the worst possible moments of pain.

Sometimes, we think it's good enough. That we've done our deeds, that the good can outweigh the bad. 

Do we know… for certain that we're going to syurga or neraka? 

As we leave the matter of our End to Him, why not iman and hidayah too? 

Will the heart always stays the same?

No.

we Hope.

"Sesungguhnya seseorang yang berbicara dengan satu perkataan yang diredhai Allah Ta'ala, dia tidak dapat menyangka jika perkataannya sampai ditulis oleh Allah Azza wa Jalla sebagai kebaikan baginya, hingga hari dia bertemu dengan-Nya. Dan sesungguhnya seseorang berbicara dengan satu perkataan yang membuat Allah Ta'ala murka, dia tidak dapat mengira seberapa jauh perkataannya dicatat Allah sebagai dosa yang membuat-Nya murka pada hari dia berjumpa dengan-Nya."

(Hadis Riwayat At-Tirmidzi & Ibnu Majah, dari Bilal Bin Al-Harits) 

There could be NOTHING at the end

After all those years

Yet, we Hope… this deed would reach Him

Would make Allah happy

We Hope… this deed wouldn’t reach Him

The ones that would have His wrath

We Hope

so know our place

where we stood

in the path of wrong or right

and reflect what we CAN do now

then… we Hope we do something that makes Him redha

That's all we have, really

humble beginnings, always

My question is, to myself and to you

is this it (for the time now)?

is this the life you wanted?

the one you'd be content to die in?

if that's guilt in your eyes… you yourself must know what you HAVE to do now.

What choices the heart makes

Sometimes the journey is too painful, too strange

Yet, you’re risking the moment when you’ll finally meet Him

To have all your deeds shown for the first time

And you’ll say, “is this it?”

And frankly speaking, the moment 'now' is all we've got

A friend said this…

sleep is a rehearsal for death

Are you prepared?

Syaitan

Bismillah..

How bad this feeling. ='(

i did an awful thing.

I scolded my students, not by being strict. Angry..with capital A.

If truth be told, the issue in which they received my blow was.. rather mudane.

Ya Allah,sungguh there's a fine line dalam memarahi. 

i just..learned it today. ='(

what happened was..i was exhausted. Six periods straight, no breaks. Each class, I was really disappointed, because my aim was not met, that they haven't learned what they should have. That I've only just learned that the old kids haven't learned the fundamental basics. New kids surpasses them. How is it that their eyes becomes vacant? I expect more from them (old kids)..

i was..sore.

The first class, there's a little boy..he's 'sensitve', if you understand. At that moment, when i recall 'how' he is, there comes a whisper..urging me to challenge him. I get angry on purpose. Somehow, it carries to the next period and the next, and the next. I tried to gain back my bearings, but as I said..no breaks, and i was hurled into something too soon, too fast, too noisy.

The last class, I was...aware i became ballistic. I 'need' one thing to go right..and they screw up. Once. It's nothing to be furious about.

Yet, exasperation wins, and ...

I'm sorry, M. I'm sorry. *heartbreaks*

 I have no excuse for what I did.

I..let my anger flows.

When his parents called..common teacher excuses passed through my head. common traditional-style-education-i've-had-it-worse-in-my-days were all there.

Then, I realized what they are. Denial defensive excuses. Infact, weak excuses that meant nothing to those parents..to me.

I'm forced to confront who I DO NOT want to be and yet, that's exactly what I DID..

 I was between my ego and truth.

I choose truth, so I opened the Qur'an, expecting verses such as "La taghdob (Jangan marah)", instead..

"Dan (dikatakan kepada org2 kafir), "Berpisahlah  kamu (dari org-org mukmin) pada hari ini, wahai org2 yg berdosa!

Bukankah Aku telah memerintahkan kepadamu wahai anak cucu Adam agar kamu tidak menyembah setan? Sungguh, setan itu musuh yang nyata bagi kamu,

dan hendaklah kamu menyembah-Ku. Inilah jalan yang lurus."

Dan sungguh, ia (setan itu) telah menyesatkan sebagian besar di antara kamu. Maka apakah kamu mengerti?

inilah (neraka) Jahanam yang dahulu telah diperingatkan kepadamu.

Masuklah ke dalamnya pada hari ini kerana dahulu kamu mengingkarinya.

Pada hari ini Kami tutup mulut mereka, tangan mereka akan berkata kepada Kami dan kaki mereka akan memberi kesaksian terhadap apa yang dahulu mereka kerjakan."

Yasin, 36: 59-65

Ya Allah.. ="(((((((((

I thought I only followed my anger..

It's far far worst..

It was a split moment and yet, it's still a conscious choice

my choice to follow anger

is to follow syaitan.

I thought i'm rid of my Jahiliyyah

Allah knows how long this journey is

i'm still far from it

Still..Alhamdulillah, He knocks some sense back into me

showed me how i could still 'slip' up, so easily

Moral for today:

La Tagdob

don't follow syaitan

It may seem mudane

but Anger never is

They(syaitan) are slick..very very slick..they have their whole lifetime since the creation of Adam to perfect the art of deception

You be careful

with yourself, with the syaitan within

- - -