Mid-Year Summary

Bismillah..

the stars flicker

it's a wonder to see them up there

you don't know what's gonna happen next

how they flicker are different from satellite (controlled-blinks)

you don't know what to expect

can't always time it and yet there it is

in a rhythm

always

Has been contemplating future

it was at this moment in my life i have to make important decisions

education and career

somehow had been pulled by practicalities

Classes, tutions, meetings, school programs

my schedule planned out

when i haven't work out what my life's going to be

am thirsty for knowledge

so I know..where I am now, is a temporary setup

i'm leaving

to where?

up for me to decide

just fill in the forms, Han

find other places where i can do better than baby-sitting

honest..i was exhausted

because I can't look at them in the eyes anymore

can't pull them close just to hear their heartbeat

had to be hard on them

i hate that

raising a child is hard enough

but 56??

why are they restless, i don't understand

and the guilt of having them endure someone with mood-swings

they deserve better

how? how? how?

work it out, Han

the whispers are there

Listen

- - -

i'm struggling with patience
with anger
  faced the circumstance every day
yet i refuse to sink that low
it isn't genetic
it is myself
i, myself, will be accounted for my own deeds
say whatever i wanted to say? do whatever i want to do?
tempting?
Allah has guide me to be a better person
so i what? U-turn and walk back?? 'cause it's easier??
ridiculous!

jangan manja! *dush!*

- - -