bells..

Their laughters
sunflower of smiles
chasing soapy bubbles
spinning around
hands reaching out
happy
content

This quote somehow keeps popping out in mind recently,
"A man is a child who puts childish things away."

a place of my childhood

something..bad happened
i didn't understand it
is it all ruined because one man made it bad?

it's where i played sandcastles in the backyard
aerobics every saturday morning (That's where i learned to crossed my arms behind me)
rainbows on my way to school
small cut-off pictures for colouring
exams with a half-page for colouring
to colour the name of Allah

it's a place where i was taught how to love
to know of Allah's name

does the present change the past?
no..it doesn't

it's not something you write in your diaries for years for
it's something you would always remember
when everything is true and innocent

i missed a lot of things
a lot of people
Antih Y,i missed you..so much
how are you?

to listen,,

love isn't about grand gestures
it is subtle pieces that grew and grew
like plants

Taranum Qur'an rides the air of Subuh
surprising and soothing
lights out here
and am suddenly aware of my surrounding
drops of rain that hits rythmatically against the roof
few cars swosh pass by, taking their time
the shift of air, in result

senses becmes more acute and triggers feelings that are somewhat familiar
i've done the grand gestures, talking alot, smile alot
and fell down flat
i started to pause, as of tonight
the glimmer dies and forced me to face reality
i started t take notice of my surrundings
taking in that subtle pieces
learning
giving and taking

it was like that time
During Ramadhan, for the first time, i prayed at midnight
Fear and hope were what i felt
and I, for once, started to realize how love for your creator can exist
that it is possible to love, rather than fear Him
You are kind to me,O Allah
but have i been that to You?

"Wahai jiwa yg tenang!
Kembalilah kepada Tuhanmu dengan hati yang redha & diredhaiNya
maka masuklah ke dalam glongan hamba-hambaKu
dan masuklah ke dalam syurgaKu."
Al-Fajr,89: 27-30

- - -

A blog entry:

Salam =)

i feLt like writing in EngLish today..b'cos that du'a was translated in engLish..

It started like this..

i was enveloped with great sadness and grief,tired beyond measures that i thought i had faced my limit. Then, upon intuition Allah had blessed me with on that night, i opened the book "The Sealed Nectar" - a complete biography of our beLoved Prophet Rasulullah SAW.

I came across to a story that maybe all of us know so well as children. The part when Rasulullh SAW went to Taif for the sole responsibility of Amar Ma'ruf,Nahi Mungkar. Instead of a welcome,he was thrown with hard and sharp stones till he bleed to his ankles. He was tired ad wounded but confident of the help of his Lord:

"O Allah! To You alone i complain of my weakness, my insufficient ability and my insignificance before the people. You are the most Merciful of the mercifuls. You are Lord of the helpless and the weak. O Lord of mine! Into whose hand would You abandon me: into the hands of an unsympathetic distant relative who would angrily frown at me, or to the enemy who has been given control over my affairs? But if Your wrath does not fall on me, there is nothing for me to worry about."

"Your pardon is ample enough for me. I seek protection in the light of Your face, which illuminates the darkness, fixing the affairs in this world as well as in the Hereafter. May it never be that i should incur Your wrath, or that You should be wrathful to me. And there is no power nor resource,but Yours alone."

...

Think for a moment..

i cried

..and never had i felt so helpless,so human..so human..so human..

that i realize how true it is that your sole Protecter,sole Helper,sole Listener,sole Observer...is Allah. The One and Only God.

...and never had i felt so hopeful.

i've once heard that sometimes Allah gave you great pain and great sadness because He miss hearing your voice. That should we face the truth in ourself is when we're at the tip of a cliff, isolate from any resource or assistance..and all the walls within us were broken down..till we find this naked patch that is our heart...

even the great Lennin who claims himseLf an atheist,when faced with death,had said.."Oh God!"

No matter how great we think we are..we'd face a situation that is beyond anything we have ever endured. Regardless of what religion you are..please, do remember that prayer..and you ask yourself..how much it is true..

Wallahualam,

From your sister in Islam. =)