what counts

Bismillah...

Sat with my family for the whole day. 

Blessed I am for the curse of broken car, again.

It's been a long time... sometimes, it's about just 'being' together.

Teaching my baby nephew the wonder of saying the praise "la-wa" (beautiful), my older sisters recounting their childhood full of horror movies, my father recounting the little dialogues he had with his grandchildren, skype-ing with my younger sister in uk...

when the sounds dimmed, lights turned out one by one...have I only realized it's a start of a new year. Entering a new school term rather begrudgingly (it starts tomorrow), piled with more stacks of works, pushed to the last minutes...I forget. That no matter how busy one is, there should be a time to remind self to capped it all of, brushed the box of past, fold things neatly, reflect and ponder, and hope..about the future.

Like a new car, when you start it's engine...it needs time...to push through it's accelerator, test it's brakes, before it warms up to the wonder and challenges ahead. 2012 is like that. A year of planning, preparing, adjusting...in all aspects of life. Because the wheel had turn and it's about to be one of the biggest changes I'll have in life.

 2012 snapshots:

1. Family: Adjusting of the old and the new. This family is learning to accept new people. Getting bigger, learning each other ways. Soon, strangers becomes family. Got a sister-in-law, who absolutely LOVES food. She's like a guru/food-tourist-guide. 

This family is learning to accept that the old ways can't keep a family together. It's not rules, it's the heart, it's the words who mend rather than breaks. At some point, we are pushed to the extremes. Maybe...it's Allah swt way of testing...what makes a family, family. Forgiveness. Give and take. Understanding and compromising. The core of it, is in returning back to Allah swt.

2. Work: It's like someone put a stack of papers on your desk, and on some whim or crazy impulse, decided to throw them in the air. At first, elated, then realizing what a mess was left behind. It's crazy. *laugh*

Yet, it's something to relish about. It's a mess, indeed, with new ideas stacked together with unclear time-plan. Everyone juggling between logistics and human. Felt that crazy enough to just throw everything in the air...and that's it. Some ideas caught the eye, and finally settles, each one fitting nicely. New, untrained...yet the challenge is there! The test of creativity, of resourcefulness, of patience in juggling each own's ethics and emotional compass. A visiting teacher said this before she left: "Don't forget. Before we are the educator, the parent, we are servant and khalifah of Allah. Let the decisions be made based on His redha. Everything else is hikmah, hidayah, rezeki, test. 'Know' the difference. We are different. If we're the same with others, why stay here? for what reason?"

Bless you, O sister of mine. Hopefully I'll see you again this year~

3. Ummah obligation: Life is vibrant, is alive...when you can give benefit to others. Either by giving small advice, of carrying others burden just for them to catch a break. A hand, a random hold, a hug...even through silence, intention made clear. uhibbukum fillah (love you because of Allah swt)~ ... because this heart also hope to receive love and mercy from You, O Allah swt.

4. Old diaries: A closure, and extension. It's there to remind self of how it felt to be at one age once upon a time. To cherish the people who had existed in these life and shape self the way I am. Not different. Am the same person, with a few changes, life that is also my own, not someone else's. Embrace that fact, ya hear?

2013 resolutions:

It's an entirely uncharted waters.

O Allah swt, help me and those around me, the people I know and loved (whether I've known them or not)...to be steadfast in Your path. We might go astray (Naudzubillahmindzalik)... help rein us back into Your circle, Your deen. Let the flow be one. Let us be 'that' strong to be able to change the currents. For You grant victory only to those who made an effort to change, to make the world a better place. Don't go looking for victory, because it is a gift, not some kind of trophy. A gift from You...only to those You have chosen.

Steadfastness (tsabat). If that's also a gift, I wished for it. 

You know my weakness, O Allah...help me turn it into a strength.

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