Regret and Forgiveness

Bismillah..

Recently, it's a walk on memory lane. Piecing through past events, the words exchanged and uttered, what had been done. Of how does 'that' pieced the present. The Now.

How many years had passed when I left secondary schools, passed through adolescence, learned about love and losses, IPTs...how much had I known then, what I know now? What if I hadn't done this? Had done that? Alhamdulillah, despite had been a lost soul, I've lived a sheltered life...and some 'realities' were protected from me (because of my upbringing, the surrounding environment, my generation). 

I once believed that it doesn't matter, if you do stupid things. Adolescence is like that..you push through extremes to know yourselves better, to test your limits...because one day, you'll reflect upon it, a wiser person. 

But what if you had done something bad, something really really bad?

what if we did something we'll always regret? It seems so insignificant, then. Yet. it continues to haunt our lives...as we grow older and older. We forgive, but can we forget?

Thought about that...if I had wanted to say, 

"Your truth is hurting me." 

How can I be that person who can't accept someone as they are?

How can I not believe in Qada and Qadar, despite how painful or dark that past is written as?

Who am I to judge someone's moral conscience, be it past or present?

There are some things...it's ok that we're not ok about it, but...

"I am not taught to criticize the darkness, I am taught to enlighten it." 

-Yusuf Al-Qadrawi 

If it hurts me this much to know that 'that' past exist, what about those who had darker, deeper ones? How much hurt would it be? How can one survives that?

When Khalid Al-Walid embraced Islam, the sahaba claimed that a moment before, he had hated Khalid the most in the world, yet right then, he became someone he had loved the most in the world. That is ukhuwwah. MasyaAllah~ :")

Though...what about the sinner himself/ herself? Wouldn't it still kill ownself (with regret)?

Earlier, on the ride home, somehow am reminded of Hindun (Abu Sufyan's wife). Both are the biggest enemies of Allah SWT and Rasulullah SAW, and yet both got the 'chance' to embrace Islam in the end. How had Allah swt still love them.

...and I remember this particular scene, when Hindun urged the Musyrikin (when she was a musyrikin herself) to take avenge on the events of Badr'. She lead the army by bringing their wives along in the war and urged them to head forth, lest they go back, they'll be shun and spat upon by their own wives.

Yet, when she became a muslim and she, too, had participate in a war, she uttered the same line, though with a more noble intention. That if the muslimin men had gone back (as a coward), instead of marching forth as Mujahidin, their wives would feel ashamed. How she knows how to stirred the hearts of men into action.

This person, who Rasulullah SAW had once said, that her blood is halal (wanted list) for the atrocities she had done to muslims, yet is still forgiven and what had she done now?

How did she redeem herself and paid for her past deeds? 

same lines and spirit..yet with a vigor with a much more noble intention. Lillahitaala.

MasyaAllah~

One's past are not necessarily bleak. Inside everyone, Allah swt creates our own specialty...and when that specialty is used for the good, with the right niat... replace that bad deeds with the good.

On the authority of Abu Dharr Jundub ibn Junada and Abu Abdul Rahmaan Muaadh ibn Jabal (may Allah be pleased with both of them) from the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) who said, “Fear Allah wherever you are. And follow up a bad deed with a good deed and it will wipe it out. And behave towards the people with a good behaviour.” 

-Al-Tirmidhi

The past exists...

The truth may hurts, but learn the hikmah behind it. What kind of person Hindun is now if she's just a normal obedient woman?
she, who had a very bleak past, hold that sword by the helm and claimed her own destiny, to avenge back her 'own' deeds. To repay back a thousand, million times...to have Allah swt redha, The commitment she holds, stronger than the some of the muslim men of her time...because the thought of her past sins pushed her forth.

"That is because Allah would not change a favor which He had bestowed upon a people until they change what is within themselves. And indeed, Allah is Hearing and Knowing."
Al-Anfal, 8:53

...and who is she to those who had done the same deeds? 
She's a role model, a good example of those who wanted to repent and redeem themselves. 

That through her life, many learned the word 'hope'.

Despite how bleak and dark it was, there's light. There's always light.

Just waiting for us to recognize it and take it rather than dwell in regret and self-blame.

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