Fight

Bismillah...

"... jangan kalah pada mereka."

I don't know what I'm up against. 

An invincible army? One I can see and one I can't?

Do you know how much fear I felt in my gut?

worrying, just worrying...

considering every act as permanent

one thing I know, and what I've just learned

never have I believe that being alone have its consequence

until now

in the past, it might revive me

now I know, in a long turn, it'll be my downfall

so as a newbie who had just learn to be a team-player...help me

for inside of me there's this lingering doubt

if two or more voices are better ...

if I can depend, trust others ...

if I can help anyone ...

I'm pushing myself aside

so please tell me it's ok

that it's ok to believe that there'll be a hand, made of flesh and blood to help me through

for there's a mental war raging

I've only conquered one fortress, there's a lot more

and they are sly and slick (syaitan)

tell me it's ok to push myself harder, without fearing the consequence of another

for I only know this

it's Allah swt redha am looking for

... and sometimes the voice inside tells me that sacrifice is better

to sacrifice time, effort...and often, my own heart
with whom and where I want to be, sometimes, I have to look past that

so I'll always look up, look forward to Him, rather than be dragged, be lied to by dunya

"Dan tiadalah kehidupan dunia ini, selain dari main-main dan senda gurau belaka. Dan sungguh kampung akhirat itu lebih baik bagi orang-orang yang bertakwa. Maka tidakkah kamu memahaminya?" 

Surah Al-An'Am ayat 32

Katakanlah: "jika bapa-bapa, anak-anak, saudara-saudara, isteri-isteri, kaum keluargamu, harta kekayaan yang kamu usahakan, perniagaan yang kamu khawatiri kerugiannya, dan tempat tinggal yang kamu sukai, adalah lebih kamu cintai dari Allah dan Rasul-Nya dan dari berjihad di jalan-Nya, maka tunggulah sampai Allah mendatangkan keputusan-Nya". Dan Allah tidak memberi petunjuk kepada orang-orang yang fasik."

At-Taubah, 9: 24

to be ikhlas ... is to do amal consistently, with gradual upgrades
this ikhlas needs time
this ikhlas needs patience
this ikhlas needs the moment when those sacrifices are just like bit of cookies
the tiredness, the tears ... forgotten
cause the distance forward is still long and I got no time to look at the shadows I've left behind
cause the light infront is brighter, embrace me with open arms

so this choice, is clear, isn't it?
the 'why' I'm fighting for

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