Hikmah

Bismillah...

"... just be yourself."

'twas a trying week

trying and trying to accommodate self to different roles and responsibilities, trying to be 'there' for everybody. Afraid I'd fail in my carelessness or ignorance that would invite Allah's displeasure of me. So, when he texted me that message whilst I was rushing home just to be 'there', beside myself with worry...

O Zauj, how did you know? How did you know 'those' were the exact words I needed to hear? To calm self and just 'be'.

who am I?

a wife. a daughter. a daughter-in-law. a sister. a sister-in-law. a teacher.

there's a bit of drama in my in-laws house last week. How my eight-year-old sister-in-law is quite stuck to me. hero-worship? or just seeking for a role model? I don't know.

who is she to me?

an innocent pure young heart, who seeks Allah swt. Who would lit up at my presence with a telekong in hand, eventhough its's not dzuhur yet, just so she could pray in Jemaah. sometimes...most times, I felt she's better than me. ^^"

 Yet, I'm a teacher at heart. Am actually quite strict with her....at one point, I question my influence on her. whether its a good thing or not. because my in-laws are quite wonder-struck at these sudden bond....and quite frankly, so am I. Trained her with self-sufficiency, because I know my own kids (KG), so I treated her the same. Be self-sufficient and do something good for others. Do good deeds lillahi taala, not just because someone else are doing it.

...but there's where my patience are also tested. I can't quite stand when kids didn't finish their food on their plate. My own childhood was filled with tears about that subject, so am quite sensitive about it. *sob* I did what I could, advice, decreasing the amount of food on her plate, etc...just so she could finish it. That one day, she didn't. It's quite ridiculous when I think about it. Why do I insist on teaching her this one etique? Why was I sulking? *laugh*

Twas hard for me to accompany her when she wants to be with me. I was really disappointed. The concept of wasting, not being thankful, ignorant of the effort of others to prepare that food...how am I suppose to teach her these things? They see her a s a child and is permissible to do such thing. No, you are a human being, a muslim, who needs to know the rights and wrongs in this world.

I didn't want to be angry with her, but its hard...I don't trust myself to speak, lest my anger seeps out. Its ridiculous and I know it, but I felt a wrong here and its something I shouldn't leave it as it is. So how? I kept quiet and avoided her. When I saw her finished her food the next day, my temper was sated. That night, I allowed her to pray Isya with me, and after solat, I explained. Why I prayed dhuha on my own, and didn't called out for her eventhough she 'waited'? What's the point of asking for rezeki when you're not thankful for it? Why does she prayed dhuha anyway? Because of me or Allah swt? If she insisted on throwing food away, I refused to pray 'with' her.

How cute is that? I can threat her with prayer? O Allah, it's funny and a blessing in itself...MasyaAllah, this child is very pure.

she was silent, but in my heart, I knew she understood. That night, she managed herself well, even as far as to clean up after herself. My in-laws, my zauj and me were staring at her back in wonder as she cleaned the dishes on her 'own' will.

Bless, O Allah swt~ Bless~ :"D

May she istiqomah in seeking Your redha~

Aamiin~

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