rezeki

Bismillah...

Katakanlah: "(Tuhanku) ialah Allah Yang Maha Esa."
"Allahlah tempat meminta"
"Dia tidak beranak dan tidak diperanakkan"
"Dan tiada yang setara/ sekutu dengan-Nya."
- Surah An-Nas


Yesterday, I've just read these verse. 
When I was off for my class, I've only just realized the yellow warning in my gas tank, and the nearest oil station is a 15-min journey from my home. 


My heart at my throat, holding the only $10 that I have, with $0.01 credit in my mobile, I was debating, whether I should stop by at the kadai simpang to top-up my credit first, 'incase' anything should happen (the car stopped, etc) or pray the rest of the way till I could refilled my car's gas tank. The first, I'd be risking the precious time (and remaining oil) that I have. The second, I had to face the possibility of being alone to dealt with any particular emergency.


I choose the latter, fervently praying, and remembering that verse...I felt the acute need as a hamba-Nya. Plunging ahead into an unknown future, while holding unto only one thing..that..
the only ONE I could rely, I could ask from is Him.
Allah SWT.


It made me realized how we, as human, forget quite to whom should we ask for anything. For our rezeki. Our wealth, health, knowledge..and even life. 
We waited for our allowances/ paychecks for our wealth.
We refer to tuition teachers for our knowledge. 
We refer to doctor for our health.
We refer to ustaz/ah for our hidayah.
 Can you buy someone's heart with money? understanding?


"Bacalah, dengan nama Tuhanmu Yang Maha Pemurah
Yang mengajar manusia melalui pena dan tulisan 
Dia mengajarkan manusia apa yang tidak diketahuinya
Ingatlah! Sesungguhnya manusia tetap melampaui batas
denagn sebab ia melihat dirinya sudah cukup apa yang dihajatinya"
-Surah Al-Alaq, ayat 1-8 

All those things (rezeki) came from Allah SWT
even if you're left destitute, you're not entirely alone and resource-less


"If you have trust in Allah as you ought, then He will feed you as He feeds the bird, it goes out with an empty stomach and returns full."
-Ibnu Majah


I remembered a story of a sahaba, who went home, to be informed by his wife that the pantry was empty. Afterwards, he observed his prayer and then asked his wife again. Only to be informed that its still empty.
He refreshed back his niat, his heart and then, repeated his prayer. This time, after he finished his prayer, his wife came in a surprised manner...that suddenly, there's food in the pantry.


sounds far-fetch but that is a true believer.
because believing is by putting your heart first, not your head (logic, of negative impossibility) closer to Allah SWT


.
.
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.. and,another most important rezeki that we always forget is..our life.


a child's life is almost taken today

am compelled to tell this story, because his family is the only real example I have ever met personally, who are generous generous people.

Earlier this morning, they had a breakfast in a nearby stall.
When they were on their way out, their little kindy boy 'almost' got into an accident. 
A very close call.
Visibly and thoroughly shaken, did you know what they (his parents) did right after that 'almost' accident?

They bought as many food and drinks as they can and give them to all the teachers and students in our school as sadaqah...and seriously, it's alot. 
For that 'near-miss', they hoped we can pray for their safety, read doa selamat, as their way of thanks to Allah SWT, that their boy's life is spared today.


because our lifelines are also our rezeki. That our rezeki would always flows except at one point in time. when suddenly, the rezeki stops.
why?
when?
 When we die.

Ya Allah..

They didn't spare a minute, to be grateful, to show their thanks to Allah SWT for that 'life'.

and it made me wondered about that hadith..


Rasulullah SAW said, "Be generous in sadaqa', because sadaqa' can prolong one's life."

when we say a prolong's life (panjang umur), it doesn't mean our lifelines get any longer.
Because when a soul is blown inside a baby, 4 things are written for him/her. 


"... kemudian diutuslah malaikat untuk meniupkan ruh kepadanya dan menyampaikan empat perkara: menulis rezekinya, ajalnya, amal perbuatannya dan akan menjadi orang sengsara atau bahagia..." 
- HR Bukhari - Muslim


"Berlumba-lumbalah dalam bersedekah, kerana bala tidak akan mendahului sedekah." (Hadith)


Our lifelines are predetermine and fixed (qada' qadar). 
A prolong life means that whatever lifelines we have, it's a blessed one.


I wondered if they knew

- - -

Truth..is from the heart

Bismillah...

This reminds me of the first time I heard the definition of Islam
Seriously the same reaction. :")

O Allah, have I thanked You yet, for making me born in and found back Islam? :")

- - -

challenge

Bismillah..

she looks up with mute defiance.

A reminder.

"It's not what you say..

it's what you do."

"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, 
but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy."

Martin Luther King, Jr

"I challenge you to make your life a masterpiece.

I challenge you to join the ranks of those people who live what they teach,

who walk their talk."

Tony Robbins

- - -

The 99th Street Thriller

Bismillah..

The lights are off..

dark, except for the car headlights..

driving along the narrow lanes, 

all too aware of the deep ditches on both sides..

soft white vapors arose from the road, dancing to the light gust wind..

the sound of crickets were the only company

or is it (the only one)?

why is it that most 99th street that I know appeared so haunting? ;)

was it (number 99) suppose to stand for short-cut street?

and you hear a lot about these streets

accidents, night-attacks, sixth-sense related stories..

*shivers*

...and yet driving through them alone at night brings back a particular conversation I've had, whilst on my own, imagining all the worst possible scenarios.

If your brain and heart are debating on the matter of supernaturals (hantu,etc), I strongly suggests reading the 3 kuls, especially the tafseer (Al-Ikhlas, Al-Falaq and An-Nas)

strangely they bring to these conclusion..

"who do you think is more bigger (powerful, mightier)?"

"you (whatever jinn that is trying to spook you at that time), or Allah swt??"

"Whatcha' gonna say, huh?? You??"

"Who created you, anyway??"

"huh?? wha-??"

True story, hoho ;)

Random. 

-peace-

- - -

Memory in PB

Bismillah..

Complicated?
.
.
.

You don't know a half of it..

- - -

(sea) wave

Bismillah..

Ya Allah... 

I'm scared

I'm seriously scared :"(

so many things in my mind right now

but the foremost were...

I'm afraid to see my 'mirror'

fear of what is 'reflected' there

the me..

Astaghfirullahalazim... 

Ya Allah, please cleanse my heart, my soul

I felt like I'm still a child..

and a child, I still am

- - -

family

Bismillah..

Today, I attended my cousin's nikah ceremony.

Have a mixed feeling for this one, in comparison with my brother's recent wedding.

Yesterday, I was forced to confront something, that adat (customs) can be a vicious hand forcing you to comply.

While I refused the adat in my brother's wedding

although I know I had to choose between Allah's redha and my relatives 

of course there's no competition and I stood affirm in my decision..

last night, I see

I see from their perspective

how much their adat-filled mind couldn't handle my 'rejection'

I wondered how I'd deal with my own (I don't know..possible own wedding in the future)

but I know I'd be fighting

..and I'll enjoy saying this

"who do you think I'd fear the most?"

"You or Allah swt?"

"Whose murka do you think I'd rather face?"

but I like the lafaz today

because the bride's own father was handling the ijab kabul part

and it was touching when he said

to make du'a for these two

that rather than shouting in celebration, he'd rather have "Alhamdulillah~" said when the ijab kabul is affirmed

MasyaAllah~ :")

Uda, you really looked cool today :")

before I left

he held me

longer than the usual and it made me wondered

he must've been sad, too

I don't know...of her daughter or of me, or both

Yes Uda, I'd make that du'a for them, too

May you have plenty of soleh and solehah in your daughter, sons and grandchildrens

make du'a for me too

in upholding my deen

of trying to show the right qudwah

so our families can understand

that in Jannah, only ties of faith matter rather than mere bloodlines

that can reunite a family in Jannah

- - -

Make me strong

Bismillah ...

edited.. 12.02.2012 (Sunday)

I was reading my previous entry, titled 'Waiting'

..and there's a chord played true.

and I found myself shaking

at first...there's something about this song that moves me and yet, I couldn't truly figure out the 'why'

today...(Ya Allah :"( ) here's why

:: Make Me Strong ::

I know I'm waiting

Waiting for something

Something to happen to me
(Do you know? That in the Al-Quran, these words were repeatedly said.. "we (Mukmin) are waiting, verily, they (Kafir) are waiting too.." Waiting for what, exactly? For the Day that is promised to us..The Day of Judgement :"( )

But this waiting comes with

Trials and challenges

Nothing in life is free
(Our trials in Dunya, in facing His Halal and Haram. That the path to Jannah is not lined with petals, yet with thorns. You have to fight! You have to seriously fight against your nafsu and be patient in your loyalty (ketaatan) to Allah SWT..until that day)

I wish that somehow

You'd tell me out aloud

That on that day I'll be ok
(Ya Allah, tell me on that day (Day of Judgement), I'll be ok, that I'll have my deeds passed in my right hand, that my position in Jannah is confirmed)

But we'll never know cause

That's not the way it works
(...but that's not the way it works :"( )

Help me find my way
(Help me to endure, to survive, to be rightly-guided always in this Dunya)

Chorus:

My Lord show me right from wrong
(Surah As-Syams: the heart is always given the intuition of right and wrong)

Give me light make me strong
(The light..hidayah & Your Rahmat in choosing the right one, to held strong to that path)

I know the road is long
(The road..the journey until that 'Day' is long)

Make me strong

Sometimes it just gets too much

I feel that I've lost touch
(Sometimes, I collapse in bearing the weight of right and wrong. sometimes...I took a seriously wrong mistep :"(((( ) 

I know the road is long

Make me strong

I know I'm waiting

Yearning for something (Jannah)

Something known only to me 
(Only You and me know what's in my heart)

This waiting comes with

Trials and challenges

Life is one mystery
(I'll never be sure who I am going to live my life as, as a mukmin or munafiq
...where I'll end up, Khusnul khotimah or suul khotimah)

I wish that somehow

You'd tell me out aloud

That on the day You'll forgive me
(..am I amongst those You've forgiven, O Allah Most Forgiving?)

But we'll never know cause
That's not the way it works
(I wouldn't know..I wouldn't know until that 'Day')
I beg for Your Mercy
(Please forgive me, Ya Allah :"( 
Forgive my sins, from the past, present and future
Forgive me, Ya Allah
Forgive me, Ya Allah
Forgive me, Ya Allah :"(((((( )

Chorus:

- - -

I miss you~ :"(

Bismillah..

it's 12 Rabiulawal...

and these tears would flow on its own.. :"(

You're not here, O Rasulullah SAW~

We never heard you voice~

seen your face~

and yet these hearts longs to meet you

what have you left for us, O Rasulullah SAW?

.

.

.

One day, Abu Hurairah r.a passed through the bazaar of Medina', he observed how the people were busy with the matters of dunya. He then stood infront of them and said,

"How weak you are, O people of Medina.'"

"What weakness have you seen in us, O Abu Hurairah?", they asked.

"The legacy and inheritance of Rasulullah SAW are being distributed (right now), and you are still here (busy buying and selling). Didn't you want to go and claim your part?", he said.

"Where is it, O Abu Hurairah?"

"In the masjid", he briefly replied.

They later took off in haste, while Abu Hurairah waited for them until they return back. Upon seeing him, they inquired,

"O Abu Hurairah, we went to the masjid, yet we see nothing is being distributed."

"Didn't you see anyone inside (the masjid)?"

"Yes, we saw those who are praying, some are engage in teaching and learning of the Al-Quran and hadith, and others were busy learning and teaching the laws of halal and haram."

"That (what you've seen) ... is the legacy of Rasulullah saw."

Rasailul Ashwaq

The prophets leave us not dinars and dirhams,  

but leave behind knowledge as their legacy and inheritances.

.

.

.

did you hear, O Rasulullah SAW?

As of subuh, your Ummah all around the world march and sends their salaam, selawat to you? It echoes the voices of the people of Yathrib (Medina') when you first arrived there. The anticipation, the joy of seeing your benevolent figure.

if you had meet us now, what would you have thought of us?

are you pleased

...or are you sad?

I'm ashamed, O Rasulullah SAW

can I meet you in this state that I am in?

with my imperfections in my love for you (in following your legacy)

when your Ummah is like these (broken and lost)

until then..

I hope..

that I'd be able to see you

and when (if) I do, you'd be able to smile (pleased)...

- - - 

grains

Bismillah..

"To see the world in a grain of sand, 

and to see heaven in a wildflower, 

hold infinity in the palm of your hands, 

and eternity in an hour."

-William Blake

a chalkboard suddenly crosses my mind

dim sounds of footsteps and synchronized voices

times passed away just by looking at the clouds

wondering if its the sky or the ground that moves

all these raw things made my childhood memories

I wondered what made the new generation

what made the childhood of people across the world

when some things are too real

when you don't have that much to dream about

.

.

or when there's too much dreaming

it becomes a delusion

a made-up world

.

.

.

.

... a child's world is so small

that it's so big

that it's so pure, it would not lie

despite the princess frock or plastic toys

no matter how grown-ups like to create a child-like living for their kids

inside, the hearts a pure faith

of a world quite mysterious in its own way

of raw belief that everything would work out

"even if you're on the playground slide with your head down"
-Erfan

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