Serious

Bismillah..

"I made my resolution long ago

...and so does the blog post that comes with it

'nuff said."

Considering..this is a very late entry if am about to make an entry on my new year's (2014) resolution. Maybe because 01.01.2014 cease to be a reason to do so...rather...I should begin when and where I started to grow.

Yesterday was my hijrah's birthday, that coincides with Mauladirrasul. If by that date my age is counted, then, I'm officially 28 years old. What cemented my resolutions is probably a reason to do so. For Allah SWT, for Rasulullah SAW. 

My heart was displaced end of last year. As if a hand reached out from me and grab hold of the blood and flesh, squeezed out the excesses, the impurities...until it found a good hold...on who I am, on who I wanted to be. 

Me. 

I finally learn to accept myself once I began to be serious about everything.

Last December:

Like a wind, I stayed. Like a wind, I swayed. I didn't know...why I'm here. I just follow the flow, checking that it's on the right track...but that's it. Like a kite blowing in the wind. Is that enough to live for?

Then, I came through this ayat:

"And whoever strives only strives for [the benefit of] himself. Indeed, Allah is free from need of the worlds."

"Dan barangsiapa yang berjihad, maka sesungguhnya jihadnya itu adalah untuk dirinya sendiri. Sesungguhnya Allah benar-benar Maha Kaya (tidak memerlukan sesuatu) dari semesta alam."

Al-Ankabut: 6

Then, I knew why I'm here. 

True, Allah swt put me in His path, but deciding whether to stay, to cement these feet in His path...that's up to me. If I know what's good for me, then I have to strive for that. I spent that day till now weeping for those words. I have to question myself, really. really REALLY. Am I serious in my amal?

With reminders of death at every corner. I was involved in an accident. I wasn't hurt at all..but the impact shook my senses thoroughly. When trying to avoid big things, I could've missed the little things that could've barreled through and hit me.

Gah!

So, I can't afford to procrastinate, to be lalai, to be other than thoroughly serious. 

To live this life is to trully LIVE it. Not half-heartedly but with your all.

I'm blessed to have him, my zauj, my half, who shield and protect me when I'm out there hurtling myself into unknown future and consequences. Now I know what Rasulullah SAW felt in regard to his beloved Khadijah r.a. To be protected is an indescribable feeling. For dreams and resolutions to be protected and supported...

It's Allah swt who took hold of me, of our future. 

To be comforted so... I'm thankful~ I'm thankful~ :")

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