Lillahitaala~

Bismillah..

Hadis riwayat imam Muslim daripada Abu Hurairah daripada Rasulullah S.A.W bersabda yang bermaksud : 

Sesungguhnya seorang pemuda telah melawat saudaranya di kampung yang lain, maka Allah telah mengutuskan kepadanya dalam perjalanan malaikat, apabila telah tiba dekatnya, dia(malaikat) telah bertanya: Ke mana engkau mahu tuju? 

Dia menjawab: Aku mahu jumpa saudaraku di kampung ini. 

Dia(malaikat) bertanya: Adakah bagi engkau atasnya sesuatu nikmat yang mana engkau menjaganya? 

Dia menjawab: Tidak! selain daripada aku mengasihinya kerana Allah. 

Dia(malaikat) memberitahu : Maka sesungguhnya aku adalah utusan Allah kepada engkau dengan sesungguhnya Allah begitu mengasihi engkau sebagaimana engkau begitu mengasihinya(saudaramu).  

"There's no reason. I just love you because of Allah."

Just had a little Raya trip. Simple yet meaningful, for every host gave a personal simple advice. About controlling anger, choices, family and by having the best job in the world.

No matter what, how we live in this world, with how many people...in the end, you'll face Him ALONE.

When we speak, when we act, when we decide

When we are surrounded by people who love and/or hate us

No matter how long the journey is till the day we meet Him

there's only one question

"who are we to Allah swt?"

when we make our decisions in life, small ones or big ones

do we leave it to Allah swt?

or we listen to our friends, our families, ourselves

contradictions, trapped in between different worlds (views, perceptions, logics, emotions)...when we choose..we might regret making that decision because there's a bias or that decision fail or disappoints us

but when it's lillahitaala

serious..there's a HUGE relief

when you feel its ultimately the RIGHT thing to do

not because YOU wanted it, but because Allah swt wills it

something that has Allah swt redha

that suddenly turns this self into a fierceless lion

come what may, O world

what matters is how Allah swt perceive our words and actions

when that choice has Allah's redha

we see, hear and walk the way He would want us to

Dari Abu Hurairah r.a bahawa Rasulullah SAW telah bersabda : " Sesungguhnya Allah Ta'ala berfirman : Barangsiapa yang memusuhi waliKu ( orang yang setia padaku ), maka sesungguhnya aku mengisytiharkan perang terhadapnya. Dan tiada seorang hambaku yang bertaqarrub ( beramal ) kepadaKu dengan sesuatu yang lebih Ku cintai hanya dari ia menunaikan semua yang ku fardhukan ke atas dirinya. Dan hendaklah hambaKu sentiasa bertaqarrub dirinya kepadaKu dengan nawafil ( ibadat sunat ) sehingga Aku mencintainya. Maka apabila Aku telah mencintainya, nescaya adalah Aku sebagai pendengarannya yang ia mendengar dengannya, dan sebagai penghilantannya yang ia melihat dengannya, dan sebagai tangannya yang ia bertindak dengannya, dan sebagai kakinya yang ia berjalan dengannya. Dan sekiranya ia meminta kepadaKu nescaya Aku berikan kepadanya, dan sekiranya ia memohon perlindungan kepadaKu nescaya Aku lindungi"

Come what may, O World
even if you gang up against me
it doesn't matter
when I know Allah swt love is better
when I know
as clear and as sure as daylight
I know

- - -

Dear Confidant..

Bismillah...

Dear confidant,

how can I thank You enough for Your words? :")

"Dan Allah telah berjanji kepada orang-orang yang beriman di antara kamu dan mengerjakan amal-amal yang saleh bahwa Dia sungguh-sungguh akan menjadikan mereka berkuasa dimuka bumi, sebagaimana Dia telah menjadikan orang-orang sebelum mereka berkuasa, dan sungguh Dia akan meneguhkan bagi mereka agama yang telah diridhai-Nya untuk mereka, dan Dia benar-benar akan menukar (keadaan) mereka, sesudah mereka dalam ketakutan menjadi aman sentosa. Mereka tetap menyembahku-Ku dengan tiada mempersekutukan sesuatu apapun dengan Aku. Dan barangsiapa yang (tetap) kafir sesudah (janji) itu, maka mereka itulah orang-orang yang fasik."

"Allah has promised those who have believed among you and done righteous deeds that He will surely grant them succession [to authority] upon the earth just as He granted it to those before them and that He will surely establish for them [therein] their religion which He has preferred for them and that He will surely substitute for them, after their fear, security, [for] they worship Me, not associating anything with Me. But whoever disbelieves after that - then those are the defiantly disobedient."

An-Nur,24: 55

There's a documentary I've seen recently, on how to survive in a desert (Utah, I think). They've shown this hilltops that seems so near, but infact so far away. Daunting, yet one has to walk onward, save whatever water one have, keeping self out of dehydration. And there's also a trick on how to walk at night. Everyone has the tendency to walk towards their preference. For example, a right-handed person would tend to walk to the right side (because footsteps would be heavier there), while a left-handed person would tend to walk to the left. These two bulky, middle-age men happened to be a left-handed and right-handed pair. They'll walk side by side. because no matter they have their own tendencies...they'll keep bumping to each other . Hence, they'll still keep on walking straight, despite the dark. They'll keep each other in check.

I kept thinking about that desert, fierce and merciless...and the long way out.

Yet, one survives..no matter what, you'll always survive.

Upon coming to the above verse, I remembered a maternal advice on perseverance (underlined words).

Amin~

My hope...are these very verse:

"Thaa Siim Miim

Inilah ayat-ayat Al Quran yang menerangkan.

Boleh jadi kamu (Muhammad) akan membinasakan dirimu, karena mereka tidak beriman.

Jika Kami kehendaki niscaya Kami menurunkan kepada mereka mukjizat dari langit, yang akan membuat tengkuk mereka tunduk dengan rendah hati kepadanya."

"Ta, Seen, Meem.

These are the verses of the clear Book.

Perhaps, [O Muhammad], you would kill yourself with grief that they will not be believers.

If We willed, We could send down to them from the sky a sign for which their necks would remain humbled."

Asy-Syuara,26: 1-4

...and another hikmah I've found from this

I've never imagined that I could 'feel' the life of this one prophet, Nabi Musa a.s.

I've taught Agama Islam just this morning, and I was honestly surprised by H's request. With his big eyes, winning smile and saying this in full earnest:

"Cigu, ceritakan lah cerita pasal Nabi yang SPESEL atu.

Yang mamanya kuat sembahyang"

It was Nabi Isa a.s and his mother, Mariam.

How in the world he remembered that story in full detail is beyond me...but I could feel it. His sincerity, his deep empathy of the life of Nabi Isa a.s. He truly 'felt' it...that Nabi Isa a.s is certainly 'special'....and mind you, he's only 4 years old.

...as I've only realized now, at present..what Nabi Musa a.s must have felt, when he tried to face his adopted family, Firaun's household. When he harbored guilt on having to make a grave mistake in the past (refer to verse 1-68), and Allah swt taught him how to confront that.

"live words"

my cousin's eyes unspoken words were, "You've grown a spine"
*laugh*
"I hope so"

- - -

Independence

Bismillah...

beautiful light

two components, though appears the same

are different

individualistic selves actually complements each other

just as light knows that it is light (gaseous, benevolent)

and glass knows that it is glass (solid, dependable)

"it'll be alright," 

these two seems to say

and I, for once, believe it'll will

science can sometimes be philosophical, ain't it?

- - -

First intuition

Bismillah...

it's morning of second day of raya

would like to wish everyone to have a good time

to celebrate together, a moment of victor

and the blend of young and old

Personally, my first day of raya

went with a certain blur and attachment

as if I have a remote control, that can press mute or talk

zoom in or zoom out

-abstract-

nuff' said

found out a lot of things. love kids, teenagers. Somehow... I (still) lack the ability to communicate properly with those of my own age...or it just means I have to get out more. ;) 

Wallahualam~

The big reveal: found out the reason of someone's escapism. Figure out it'd be told eventually...thought I had to grilled it out, didn't expect it to be served in a silver platter (easily confided) because it's a horrible secret, you know.

I figured, if anyone killed anybody, they'd probably have told me first. *shivers*

That's the thing, I used to be frustrated how I could 'understand' people all too well. Their good and bad side. Understand is okay, but to accept it?? I mean, some of them are taboo subjects. Pretty extreme for a teenager.
 I've heard of two suicidal reports, an escapism, weird identity crises, always the middle person (the sympathetic listener) of any love affairs going on back in the hostel days.

Turns out it's Allah swt gift for them, so they'd have a person who could listen without harsh judgement. Maybe to make up how the opposite is done to me. A person who lack expression to communicate well of her intention.

Either way, had a talk with her (the escapee). It's a burden to hold her own. She did something wrong but I could fully well understand her decision. It's a mess...but rather than looking at the crime seen, listen to the victim first. This is owed to her.

Injustice had been thrown at us, personally, forced my ownself into mutism during my early youth. If you keep thinking about it, it's unfair. It's unfair.

Yet, thinking back...it's what shape who I am, sharpen the gift of intuition that could help others come into terms with themselves. The good, the bad...

I still fear him. Right now...it's hard for me to trust my own protector. Couldn't be in the same room, without hearing those words echoes in my head and squeeze my weeping heart for it. His words are what cut me the deepest. Though I could understand (no matter how horrible it was, as it was done to me)...maybe one day, I hope, soon..

that I can forgive him.

because my intuition says so. 
Amin~ :")

- - -

Koinobori

Bismillah..

 

Koibori (carp-streamers), Japan 's Children Day

"... let's be childish, yes?"

*thumbs-up*

- - -

The Observer

Bismillah...

In the nook of the world

there, a figure sat in deep thought

desert dust under the fingertips

dry wind sighs

here is the weeping land

he reminisce his childhood at the small countryside 

how it reflects of innocence

of moral, good thoughts and good deeds

here, in this city, for 35 years

seen grief, despair

greed, corruption

the heart build with a certain dissatisfaction

a certain wrong that only few could see

him and his dear friend

there's a deep wrong in his society

and no one else seems to understand it

a stranger among their midst

felt the love of the people

yet, not on how they have lived their life as

 a few nights passed when another visited him

the manner he approached was frightening in his hold

warm in his conduct and speech

"Read," he said, three times before he finally released his hold

and like light pouring to his soul

the words came

...and when it ended

he ran, frightened

of what he had seen

of what had been told

and of who he really was

 "blanket me, blanket me!"

on reaching home, shoulders wrapped in a blanket

he narrated what had happened, fearing himself 

yet his kind wife comforted him

"Rejoice, O son of my uncle, and be of good heart. Surely by Him in whose hand is my soul, I have hope that you will be the prophet of this people. You have never done any wrong to anyone. You are kind to others and you help the poor. So Allah will not let you down."

he fell asleep

and when he woke up, his kind wife brought him to her uncle

"This is the same one who keeps the secrets (Jibril) whom Allah had sent to Moses. I wish I were young and could live up to the time when your people would turn you out."

"..and would I be turn out?"

"Yes..as were your brothers before you."

and so begins

the battle of will, heart, emotion, strength

a lifetime

when the value of right and wrong weigh by His scale

challenge the life he had known

how the Jahiliyyah need to be removed even with a chisel

even with it takes part of his heart every single time

when they lashed out

when he was beaten

when he was ridiculed

when his daughter cried, removing the camel's intestine thrown on his back

"do not weep, my daughter, For Allah swt shall protect your father."

his battles continue
yet he survived
his wife and his uncle were his biggest supporter
but the pressure of his people begin to weigh heavily on his uncle
and wearily, his uncle tried to reason with him, on the basis of what had been done to his family (disorientation, angst)
..and you're done with this, aren't you? A fight you couldn't understand.
“By God! If they were to place the sun in my right hand and the moon in my left hand in order to abandon this mission, I would not do so until it has been well established or I would perish in my attempt to do so,” he resolved.
dejected, he walked away.

on seeing his nephew's back, he too resolved,
 "I swear by God that I will not quit supporting you and will not let them hurt you."

- - -

family is family
whether in faith or otherwise

... but I can hope, can't I?

"And those who believed and whose descendants followed them in faith - We will join with them their descendants, and We will not deprive them of anything of their deeds. Every person, for what he earned, is retained."
At-Tur, 52: 21

- - -

The Talk

Bismillah..

"I hide in dreams

to mask the pain

caused by you"

"who seeks Allah's redha (favour) above that of human and the world, the world would follow him,
who seeks the redha (favour) of  human and the world, Allah would've left him to it (the world)."
-hadith

it's those words one kept close
when seemingly one does a bad thing
to be so defiant
in trying to uphold the truth

fact is, it tore your inside
like an invincible hand reaching in and wretched your heart out
and you hold on till you cease to bleed

“By God! If they were to place the sun in my right hand and the moon in my left hand in order to abandon this mission, I would not do so until it has been well established or I would perish in my attempt to do so.” 
-Rasulullah s.a.w to his uncle, Abu Talib

willing to defend
until truth prevails or die in the attempt

what am intending was quite simple at surface
yet to be human means you thread on hot and cold waters
emotions that is not of your own to control

my fight with adat would've ended
had my sister not interfere to lend a hand

when he refused to listen
citing 'my' fault
was about to lose it
am as broken as you are
more so when I'm trying to save you from hell-fire
please abandon your value on sahabiah (family/ community) 
and look towards akidah!
were you even looking to Allah for guidance??

I've laid my trust on you through all these years
protect and understand me when most don't understand  what the inclination of faith means
yet..you're the most stubborn on this matter
when this adat would push me to the very hell you're trying to protect me from

just a few words
and it would've ended like that
through the silent sobs
time waits
and then, my sister said to me 
"I'll talk to him"

"listen, just please listen
we asked her to do her research
and she did
what she attempts to do is different, yes
had she not raised it up, I wouldn't have bothered to
but since she did,
I, also, did my research
and what she had said was right

and since we knew
we couldn't be ignorant of it
and the community is beginning to understand and forgo this tradition

so please listen
this would be the benchmark
not a difference from the future
let's stand together by this choice
she can't stand alone in this matter
when it involves the truth
let's stand 'together'
let it be our family
who initiates that change"


blessed I am, O Allah swt
Alhamdulillah~ Alhamdulillah~ Alhamdulillah~
Thank You for sending me my sister
and for the open heart he finally have


k, uhibbukifillah~
serious uhibbukifillah~ :")

- - -

Clear

Bismillah..

Footsteps heavy, treading the muddied walks

heavier still when the mind talks

The rooftop sways with the changing moon

shape-shifting shadows beneath the eerie gloom

foresee this, she says

come into terms with what could and couldn't go away

the challenge hangs after her words

would you be brave enough to lead those herds?

seek protection and trust

learn to find it in a pile of dust

secrets kept

so that a property of a mukmin locked safe

I accept this, O Allah

as a lesson from You

that life is always two steps forward

not in anyways backwards

throwing back this challenge

I dare you to be weak

I dare you to doubt

be wise

because you're not just an abid

you're also a khalifah

your words, O mukmin

"A true mukmin is those whose brother is saved from his hand and tongue"

- - -

I dare you to be serious
O khalifah
in protecting, in guiding
not only for one life
but of more

"muslims are of one body. If a limb got hurt, the pain would course throughout."

- - -

Written

Bismillah..

"Mawar akan tumbuh di tegarnya karang, jika Kau menghendaki."
- Tere-Liye

- - -

Eat my heart out

Bismillah..

"This fight is real"

"..and something tells me this is just the beginning."

What happened:

"Dan sesungguhnya mereka hampir memalingkan kamu dari apa yang telah Kami wahyukan kepadamu, agar kamu mengada-ngada yang lain terhadap Kami; dan kalau sudah begitu tentu|ah mereka mengambil kamu jadi sahabat yang setia.

Dan kalau Kami tidak memperkuat (hati)mu, niscaya kamu hampir-hampir condong sedikit kepada mereka,

kalau terjadi demikian, benar-benarlah Kami akan rasakan kepadamu (siksaan) berlipat ganda di dunia ini dan begitu (pula siksaan) berlipat ganda sesudah mati, dan kamu tidak akan mendapat seorang penolongpun terhadap Kami."

Al-Isra: 73-75

What needs to be done:

"Dan janganlah kamu mengikuti apa yang kamu tidak mempunyai pengetahuan tentangnya. Sesungguhnya pendengaran, penglihatan dan hati, semuanya itu akan diminta pertanggungan jawabnya.

Dan janganlah kamu berjalan di muka bumi ini dengan sombong, karena sesungguhnya kamu sekali-kali tidak dapat menembus bumi dan sekali-kali kamu tidak akan sampai setinggi gunung.

Semua itu kejahatannya amat dibenci di sisi Tuhanmu."

Al-Isra: 36-38

Why am I doing this?:

"Itulah sebagian hikmah yang diwahyukan Tuhanmu kepadamu. Dan janganlah kamu mengadakan tuhan yang lain di samping Allah, yang menyebabkan kamu dilemparkan ke dalam neraka dalam keadaan tercela lagi dijauhkan (dari rahmat Allah)."

Al-Isra: 39

"Be at ease because His words are true

His promise are true"

I know I'm fighting

so help me, O Allah swt

I hope am not causing Your wrath or You should be wrathful of me

- - -

Spooked

Bismillah..

she cried

it's heart-breaking, eventhough it's only a dream

disconcerted was I by it

have to rearrange each slides from memory lane

and time to do some deep-thinking

what had been done

what had been harbored for years

this year is the time to face the music

face the consequences

what does being a strong one means?

to have ones own way?

or to be able to be patient, regardless of how slow, how meticulous how the matter of the hearts had to be resolved?

have to sort out loose threads

have to be 'here'

have to understand to be understood

have to talk

- - -

Budding Spring

Bismillah..

just had iftar (sungkai) with my ladies a few nights back.

O thank You, Allah~

for sending them my way

friendship is too minor a word to describe what we have

my sisters

uhibbukum fillah~ 

uhibbukum fillah~ 

uhibbukum fillah~ 

Years went by..and we grew up, went through significant changes.

This year..came into terms that those changes means we CAN make way, make room for other people in our lives and still be true to what we are. O Allah swt, please bless me with them till Jannah.

I remember your words, A..I'll keep them to my heart.

Overall..it was funny, ridiculous, warm and most importantly (first and foremost)..

lillahitaala (for Allah swt). 

- - -