Moonface

Tread the tar path in the night,
gaze up to the dark-blue canvas punctuated with flickering light
half-moon gazes back down
a clear split seen through
brought me a bemused smile

"dear moon, you look so strange, looking like that"
"so far away and yet,it looks like someone cut you off into two right from the sky."
"where does the rest of you go?"
"how can half of you be so well-hidden while the other half i can see you so brightly, so clearly?"

words from pages of a book..
"when some parts of it can be seen through, it stands to reason the rest is out there,too"

i flipped back through my memories like those pages in a book
surprised to 'feel' once more

i went online with the intent to start a new chapter, a fresh crisp of paper, another book
why?
because of the wish to run away from expectations
so many voices that tells you what to do
tell you what you should say
tell you what you should 'be'

for years i put up with it, until one day i heard something
at eighteen, i turned back to face them
eyes no longer defiant, but of pure realization and statement
"i'm me!"

H asked me
what's the first time?
what changed me?

it's being able to be wipe away from your heart the very voices of men and hears 'only' His words so direct and so true
it was not of the speakers voice, not of his knowledge that made me realize
it's Allah himself

this is an entry for me to realized (if one day, i got lost or confused) to shut the eyes, ears and mouth from the world until the sheer silence led you to hear the one voice that matters the most
the heart
the heart that sees, that listens, that speaks directly to Him
the world translated back through His guidance

to you, who reads this (if anyone ever did read this)..

if you came for words of advice, of full wisdom, of Hidayah
let me tell you this
my words, though if i read a thousand books, appear on TV as motivational speaker or own a billion dollar job to prove i'm right
your true motivator is UP there

from this heart
who says and do a lot of things
i look up at that half moon, at the pages of my memories
suddenly am reminded of how small I can be
how small, miniscule, a billion trillion zillion smaller than the infinite Him
how am 'I' suppose to give you advice??
i could not see
i could not hear the voice of your heart
but He can

being away from you is hard
because sometimes i do wish to be beside you who also seeks out for Him
want to see you sit or stand beside me
and say to each other
"Let's go."
"Let's find Him together!"

My jealousy is simple
O Truth-seekers, O Repent Sinners~ i want to be amongst you =')

incase you find Him,keep me posted