cinta ilahi

two love stories clash and sink
how was i to make of it?

My morning:

almost ten years and i've only just realized what love is
dies and rebirth knowledge
only then do i realise that it's true
it has always been love
and yet, in my heart, a voice convinced me that "que sera sera" (what will be, will be), i 'could' let him go for Allah
because at this point in life, you have to ask yourself:

is he the one i love because of Allah?

That moment..
when that unexpected encounter happened
i wasn't thinking of my past (almost 10 years)
but looking at him..i was thinking of love itself

what part of love before marriage is because of Allah?

- - -

My afternoon:

A wedding invitation
i know both..and i know a past deep love story of one of them
how does it turned out differently?
it had been an-almost-engagement too
how do they feel?
did they (the ones from the past) know, agree, will it?
it was a planned marriage, a match-make: sudden, brief, a blink of an eye
by whom, exactly?

- - -

i think there's a lesson in this

to test the heart of my own new resolve
what is love because of Allah?
when you're able to marry a more-or-less complete stranger
and behind you is someone with a lot of history behind it
and you choose the first
because of Allah

although you still love the second

i thought i wouldn't be able to understand it
how?
when the second already fulfills the syaria, the priority:
Faith, Religion?

then i realised..had you still put the person infront of you to become your choice, it's not because of Allah
it's still because of your love
but if you put Allah infront of you to become your choice (solat istikharah)...

i don't know why i wept of it

i held this newly-bought book (Jazirah Cinta), close to my heart and wept
for it taught me love because of Allah

and because infront of me is a living example of it
and because i can't help asking myself the same question
"do i choose to be the first person or the second?"
had the person of my past confessed to me, can i look over him and put Allah infront as my choice?

ikhlas comes with sacrifice
i've said this morning that i can do it
in the future, if it'd really happened...i wished this heart remain affirmed

Recall a story:

A man of Faith said this, "Had my heart been pulled out of my chest and place upon my left hand,and something good touches it, and my left hand touches my right hand, i would not be able to placed it in my heart (no matter how much effort i put into it) unless Allah wills it."

ikhlas

Dengan nama Allah Yang Maha Pengasih, Maha Penyayang

"Katakanlah, "Dialah Allah, Yang Maha Esa.
Allah tempat meminta segala sesuatu.
(Allah) tidak beranak dan tidak pula diperanakkan
Dan tidak ada sesuatu yang setara dengan Dia."

it is when you're willing to sacrifices EVERYTHING and only ALLAH judges everything of your life
your choices

that..ladies and gentleman, is what 'lillahi taala' means.

because love for love: hurts and breaks .
because love for Allah: heals and completes

- - -