40 days

Bismillah..

It's been 35 days since we heard the news that he had been sick

It had been 24 days that someone else were called to Him.

Today is his turn.

We were sure 35 days ago...there's signs that he even acknowledges. 24 days ago was not.

Life is... transient.

The world is a... facade.

If you are still sleeping.

Am I?

I had been...that's the truth.

But before Ramadhan opens, He reminds me again

O lost soul and tired limbs

Strained voices and broken dreams

You did live by the day love

But for what

For the world or for your own fate

What do you worry for?

Tears? Longing?

Or regrets?

Or a past you can't undo?

For a present not worth called True?

You have regressed for what's infront of you

Letting exhaustion consumes you

Their soul knows now where they are and still waits

The waiting that seems final

What of your soul, Han?

The one you buried deep just to escape the pain and shame?

Live for no one but for yourself

Reflect

...and come back

"O Allah swt, please forgive me. Forgive them. May we return to You in the best state. The one You favored. Not the ones astrayed. Aamiin~"

- - -

For who?

Bismillah...

Time passed, and people changed. Some for good, some for worse, some...and I believe this one, are still searching.

When you worry about people, care for their thoughts and feelings...you are at risk of losing your own, and not having something to stand on. Especially when you yourself are losing connection to the One that matters.

So I did. Prostrate to His feet and really...shedding my ego, shedding my thoughts and feelings. For only to Him really..we look upon and hope from.

I'm glad I got angry. I'm glad I got sad. I'm glad I also got happy.

'I' didn't have to try so hard to be the one that changes things. Truly Allah swt is the holder of all hearts. So something 'did' change.

By Allah's will, He does not move only one heart, but many. 

Me, the observer. 

I know my position now...even if it means removing that personal connection. I shall love and protects how 'I' can. Am not the one responsible for changing theirs.

But by right, I have to be the one who cemented the foundation. Even if I have to be harsh as Sayyidina Umar r.a, or the quiet contemplation as Sayyidina Uthman r.a. 

Allah swt knows.

So make sure the intention is pure..eventhough others saw, perceive, heard you different. Allah swt knows...and He helps those who helps His deen. The thing that I have to do constantly...is to go back to Him.