Calm

Bismillah..

The moonlight

reflects upon the tide

calm is the picture

I wondered

when was the last time I felt this calm?

I was honestly surprised

it was recent

in the busy office

with loads of paperwork and planning to do

huh~

was it because I knew I tried my best each day?

was it because I survived the storm when it comes?

did I just grew up?

In the past, I would seek out the coastline often to vent out

rarely had the time to do so as of late

and yet...instead of how the surrounding defines me, I define my own surrounding

coming into grip with reality

and learn to exist 'with' it

there's a lot of expectations on me

when the letter came to legalized my status

I was quite nonchalant

maybe...because the status doesn't define me

I don't need a stamp to tell me I need to lead or validate that I can order people around

no

recent matters pained me

but it's a blessing despite it's cursed state
it made me reflect of my own intention
of my own words when I'm alone and amongst them
it made me think of Rasulullah SAW
of Sayyidina Omar
I put the first 1 minute of Omar series on repeat
Keep affirm on His path
"so the ignorant can learn, the careless be reminded and the seeker could followsuit"

their words or Allah swt's?

So I kept my silence evwn though I was quite shaken, dissapointed, sad...
I do not put myself in this position but when a muslim is given a reaponsibility, you do not turn yoir back on it
it's my responsibility now

Alhamdulillah~
Thank you Allah swt~
You have shown them what's in my heart without me saying it
The Truth is revealed
Thank You~

I look in the mirror and I'm aware of what is reflected
but Allah swt creates the heart so that its bigger than the physical can own up
calm is in knowing you have Allah swt by your side

- - -

Bermimpilah

Bismillah..

We just had our Ambition Day...or it's Ambition week to be precise.

I stood there infront of the morning assembly and remembered this.... 

Pernah sekali, ketika Saidina Umar dan sahabat-sahabat sedang duduk di dalam sebuah bilik, Saidina Umar bertanya, "Bermimpilah!".

Salah seorang sahabat berkata, "Aku impikan bilik ini dipenuhi dengan harta yang banyak, jadi aku boleh sedekahkannya ke jalan Allah."

Kemudian Saidina Umar berkata lagi, "Bermimpilah!"

Kemudian, seorang lagi sahabat berkata, "Aku impikan bilik ini dipenuhi dengan emas dan permata, jadi aku boleh sedekahkannya ke jalan Allah."

Saidina Umar berkata lagi, "Bermimpilah!"

Sahabat berkata, "Whaia Amirul Mukminin, kami tak tahu apa yang ingin diimpikan lagi. Engkau mahukan bilik ini dipenuhi dengan apa?"

Saidina Umar menjawab, "Aku impikan rumah ini dipenuhi dengan ‘rijal-rijal’ seperti Muaz b. Jabal, Abu Ubaidah Al-Jarrah, Salim hamba Huzaifah untuk aku gunakan mereka untuk menegakkan kalimah Allah, supaya aku boleh hantar mereka ke jalan Allah”

...so I asked them to dream.

Dream, young one.

while you may hope for all the riches in the world, or the most delicious deserts to enjoy

they disappeared as soon

but to uphold your ambition in being useful to other people, to give benefit, protect and care for others...

if a room is filled with that type of people

wouldn't the world be a better place?

my dream?

I had a different dream when I was younger; architect, writer

I couldn't imagine being in the position I tried to avoid during childhood

to be a teacher

endless marking of paper

while my father did create an environment that made me enjoy learning...I didn't see myself in that profession

during TP, I sat down, completely depressed at the thought of being stuck as a teacher for thirty to forty years

though, this afternoon, when I saw a physically impaired young man stood there

accounting his life born of no arms, nurtured by people who never stop believing him, and now, he stood there as one of them (a teacher)

heart stuck in my throat

I wanted to say to him....

"young man, if I've been your teacher, I'd have said this. I'm proud. I'm very proud of you."

...and I remembered why I'm here. as if it has only been yesterday...the young boy who said that proud 'ada!'

My life altered just as I hoped his would too.

I want to be able to see you grow up and say those words. "I'm proud of you."

dream, young one. Dream high.

- - -